


Never supposed to happen.

by AceLucky



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Autoerotic Asphyxiation, BDSM, Bondage, Death, Drama, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Family, Family Drama, Friendship, Hope, Loyalty, Menstrual Sex, Menstruation, Motorcycle Sex, Motorcycles, Oral Sex, Rape, Rape Recovery, Relationship(s), Self Confidence, Self-Harm, Sex, Sexual Content, Suicide, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-10
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-04-14 00:11:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 37,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4542801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceLucky/pseuds/AceLucky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rich is the President of the South Coast, England charter of Sons, he has a daughter Eva who dedicates her life to the club after the death of her mother. Growing up she finds it hard, with no one to turn to for advice or when things go wrong she decides to confide in one of her father's oldest and most loyal friends, Chibs,especially as he's hardly there. The two hardly know each other and have a strange, yet inseparable bond that leaves them questioning is there more to it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The first, second and third.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N - Just a few things, I'd like to point out at the warnings involving underage sex/rape/non-con do not relate to anything the characters in SoA do in this fic, it's other created characters responsible. Secondly no underage sex takes place in this fic, however it is discussed so I thought it was safer to add a warning - that being said it depends what country you live in. I'm in Britain where the legal age for sex and to be sexually active is 16, I understand it isn't everywhere in the world and at the time this scene is set, one of the characters involved is 17. The scene is set in Britain, but again wanted to add a warning in case people are uncomfortable with this. 
> 
> Most of the tags will be relevant to future chapters, I just want to make people aware of some of the content. 
> 
> I realise some people may be uncomfortable by some of the other discussions at the beginning, I've tried to write it carefully and in my mind these discussions really are intended to be as a family friend and nothing more. The way in which the character is looked upon by others is as someone they love as they're part of the 'sons family' it isn't supposed to be in a sexual manner. I really was trying hard not to write anything that looked like characters were leering at or flirting with underage characters and if it comes off that way it's not intentional! 
> 
> This is not going to be a massive fic so I don't focus too much on existing events we all know about, I've tried to mention a few events from the series so things match up but it's mostly been written for fun and isn't my biggest writing project, so I apologise if it's a bit wooly. The plan is to bring more characters into it in Chapter 2/3, especially Venus and Tig. Chapter 1 skips through time a bit, the beginning before the series begins and the end set in Season 3 when they've gone to Belfast to search for Abel. Chapter 2 takes place around early/mid season 6 (I'm going with the idea that Chibs actually goes back to Belfast to see Kerrianne more frequently, and whilst there visits other friends in Britain). Chapter 12 onwards will be after season 7, when Chibs is president.

The first time he held her she was 3 months old, all bundled up in white lace and sheep wool. She was one of the most innocent things he’d ever laid his eyes on, he was in love instantly. After all what was more beautiful and pure than a new born baby? Not any baby either, the child of one of his best and most loyal friends, he’d nearly been godfather but perhaps in the end it was for the best he hadn’t been.

 

The second time he held her was when she was seven; he was visiting Britain, mostly to see his wife and daughter, but had to drop by the South Coast Charter with Tig, business and all that. She had fallen off her father’s bike, climbing on it when she wasn’t supposed to, sneaking off and trying to fit in when no one was looking. The day before she’d found her mother’s scissors and cut off her long brown hair to look more like a boy.  
Her mother and father could see what she was trying to do, that wasn’t difficult in the slightest. She knew from a young age that only men could be patched members of the club, but she wanted to be a member, she had no brothers, it was just her. She wanted to make her father and all his friends proud, she wanted to be a part of it for as long as she could remember. Her mother hated it, had wanted to take their little girl far away from the club at the first possible chance but it never happened. Instead, day by day she watched her little girl mould into a miniature version of her husband. Once the ball started rolling there was no stopping it.  
On that particular day she’d fallen from the bike, crashed to the gravel and let out a blood curdling scream. It was Chibs who was nearest, Chibs was the one to first hear her scream, he was the one to pick her up and dry her tears.

 

The Third Time  
The third time he held her, well that was different, she looked like a woman, though only 14 she looked much older. He wasn’t even sure how old she was, she looked about 18 or 19 to him, he wasn’t the best at keeping track of time and tried to figure out how many years it had been since he’d last seen her without having to ask. Her hair was long, though the brunette had gone in favour for black, her smile remained innocent and when she spoke it was a reminder of how old she actually was. He knew Rich was proud of her; any father would be, to have gone through all she had been through already and to still get decent grades at school, be working in the garage and have ambition. Eventually he’d had to ask Rich just how old Eva was now to which Rich had laughed, “I know, everyone is always asking, she’s fourteen Chibs, don’t you remember it’s been seven years since you were last here?”  
Chibs stopped smoking for a moment, “Jesus Christ was it really tha’ long ago?” He shook his head, embarrassed that he’d let it be so long, knowing that in that time he’d only seen his daughter once.  
Rich’s face darkened a little, “I laugh about Eva, but I can’t say it doesn’t worry me.”  
Chibs looked up at his friend, “why?”  
“Men who look at her assume she’s older, assume she’d…” he paused clearly uncomfortable, “legal.”  
“Eva’s a smart girl,” Chibs patted his friend on the shoulder, “all kids seem to grow up faster these days, my Kerrianne’s the same,” he paused, “though, much quieter.”  
“But you hardly ever…”Rich stopped, not wanting to offend the other.  
“Hardly ever see her, I know wha' I am Richie,” he shook his head. “But Eva will be fine, she’s a beautiful girl but she ain’t stupid, anything like that happened she’d come to you and the club’s got her back.”  
Rich nodded, “I know Philip, I just see so much of her mother in her and it worries me. What Krissi did,” his face fell, looking at the floor he let out a deep sigh.  
“She wasn’ herself brother,” Chibs comforted him, “no one is when they make tha’ decision, when, she were already gone.”  
Rich nodded, “I know, it’s just hard for Eva you know?”  
“Of course, growing up without her mum, but she’s got you and t’others, she’ll be just fine Rich, don’t you worry yerself.”  
Later on that evening Chibs was on the phone talking to Jax, the others, aside from Tig, had head back to Charming from Belfast after recovering Abel. Chibs and Tig had agreed to stay on in the South of England to fill in the South Coast and London charters on what had happened. He was glad that nightmare was over, seeing Jax so broken had nearly destroyed him, he knew what it was like to have a kid in danger and fear for their life. Jax sounded much calmer now and whilst Chibs was enjoying a few days away he looked forward to returning home. When he hung up the phone he started reading the newspaper, Tig was busy with some Crow eater downstairs and he had been looking forward to having a moment alone. Within a minute he was interrupted. Eva had walked quietly up onto the roof, her footsteps inaudible. 

 

“Hey Chibs can I err talk to you,” she asked awkwardly leaning from one foot to the next, her lip tucked under her bottom teeth, hands trembling. He looked up from the Scotsman, he had purposefully gone up onto the roof to escape people for an hour or so but as he looked over the brim of the paper he knew he couldn’t deny her. 

“Wha’ is it love?” He asked putting the paper down.

“No, I don’t want to disturb you, I can come back later I,” she stuttered as she spoke.

He reached out for her arm as she moved back, “come on wha’ is it?” There was a kindness in his voice that told her this was the right thing to do. She was so nervous and felt like an idiot even bringing this subject up with Chibs, but she had no one to talk to, not really. 

Her mother was gone, no sisters, no aunts, no friends who could understand or relate. Her father was a no, the guys were all a no cause she knew them too well and the crow eaters? She was fond of the crow eaters, loved some of them like mother figures but she just couldn’t have a conversation like this with women she knew likely slept with her father at some point or other.

“This is really awkward,” she begun as she looked down at him.

“Okay,” he said slowly looking down up at her and slowly removing his glasses.

“Leave them on,” she said a little too quickly, making him chuckle, “why?”

She shrugged, “you look good in glasses and I feel I can talk to you better like that,” the end of the sentence was more of a question as she raised her voice on upper inflections. 

“Sit down,” he patted the bench next to him and she slowly sat by his side so close that they were touching.

“I’m sorry if this is inappropriate I just don’t know who else to speak to, I feel kinda lost,” she looked out to sea as she finished. “Without mum I mean,” she said turning back to him.

He nodded, “I know sweetheart,” he placed a hand on her knee. “Whatever it is, your one of my closest friend’s daughters, you know I’m always here for you if you need anything, just tell me.”

“It’s Michael, he wants to have sex but I don’t think I’m ready,” she blurted it out a little quicker than she meant to but as soon as she said it she felt better, “like I like him, but I don’t know if I love him and I don’t think I’m ready. I mean I don’t think you should only have sex with people you love, I think it’s okay to have casual sex, I mean I think, I don’t know I’ve never, you know, but I imagine in the future and from what I see of dad and all the other guys and the crow eaters and I’m really confused and he won’t stop talking about fuckin…” Chibs stopped her, “whoa slow down sweetheart, you haven’t taken a breath.”  
She realised this, her cheeks flushed and she finally breathed. 

“I’m really confused Chibs,” she looked up at him and could tell by the way he shifted he was slightly uncomfortable. “So you’ve never…” He begun, realising it was a stupid question, she was fourteen. “No, no, god no, I’m just scared if I say no he’ll dump me.” She sighed and swung her feet back and forwards under the bench.

“Lass if he dumps yer for that, he’s not worth it.” He paused, “how old is he anyway?”

“He’s Nineteen,” she answered running hands through her hair.

“Sweetheart, you know if he sleeps with you that makes him…” he said worried, this was exactly what Rich was afraid of.

“But he’s not, he’s kind and he’s not into children for God’s sake.” She said somewhat angrily.

“But ya fourteen and he’s nineteen, sweetheart can’t you see wha’ a problem tha’ is? I know you like him, but ya don know wha’ he’s thinking.”

She looked thoughtful and nodded slowly, “I’m not going to do it anyway. Part of me feels ready, I don’t think loosing virginity is a big deal but it’s more I don’t think my body is ready.”

This made Chibs feel more uncomfortable so he said nothing, “see that’s what I really want to talk to you about, I’m fourteen and I…” She groaned on the inside, this was the man who she’d had her first crush on, who she secretly had a photo of under her pillow, who made her wish she was several years older and now she was about to share the most intimate detail with. 

He put his arm round her and pulled her closer, “come on, you know you’re gonna have to tell me now, better to get it over the done with ay?”  
She nodded into his shoulder, her heart pounding in her chest, cheeks bright red. “I’m 14 and I can’t even have kids yet.” Her shoulders drooped, Chibs clearly wasn’t quite with it as he had no idea what she meant, “You’ve got plenty of time for that lass why’s that worrying ya?”

“Chibs I mean I’m fourteen and I haven’t got my period yet,” she started to sob partly from embarrassment, partly from fear and partly from being so fucking pissed off that it came to this. 

Chibs wasn’t sure how to respond, this was awkward, he’d never had to go through this with Kerrianne as Fiona was there. But he couldn’t imagine how hard it was for her, no wonder she looked so nervous. He wasn’t exactly an expert but he knew girls went through puberty younger than boys and by fourteen most girls had started bleeding.  
She buried her face in his chest as she started to cry, he could feel her hands trembling. As embarrassed as he felt he knew it was nothing compared to what she was more than likely feeling right now. 

“Hey, hey it’s okay,” he soothed as he rubbed her back and kissed her forehead.

“Is it?” She looked at him, make-up now running down her face. 

“Here, let me wipe those tears,” he pulled out a tissue and gently wiped under her eyes. She let out another small sob and he took a hold of her chin, tilted it upwards so he was facing her, “yes Lass I promise yer, it’s gonna be okay.”

She continued to hug him tightly and so he said nothing in return, just allowed her to let out the tears whilst stroking her hair and thinking about what he could do to make this situation any better for her. After a few minutes she begun to calm down until he could no longer hear her crying.

“Tha better?” He asked. She nodded and looked up, “What’s wrong with me Chibs? Why do I have to be some sort of freak, what if I can’t have kids, what if there’s something wrong?” She sounded exhausted, like this had been playing on her mind for months.

“I think the best thing to do is get yah to a doctor don’t you? I’m sure there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation, you might just be a little behind other girls in that department. I wouldn’t worry sweetheart. If this Michael gives yer any grief ya come straight to me or yer father ya hear me?”

“Yes, I promise,” she said, “thank you Chibs, I can’t tell you how much better it feels knowing someone else knows. Having someone to talk to.” She looked sadly out over the sea where the sun had begun to set, “I don’t want you to go,” she said quietly. 

“I have to, yah know that, but I’m t’ other end of the phone or you can write to me.”

She nodded, “I’ll ring the doctors in the morning, will you come with me?”

“I’ll take yer, I’ll wait outside.” He promised. She smiled feeling better now the truth was out and certain of what she had to do when it came to Michael. 

“Thank you,” she said again, this time so softly he barely heard her as she nestled down into his chest. He awkwardly hugged her in return, “jus’ stay there till you’re ready love.” He whispered.


	2. One Small Step

The following day Eva had experienced what she’d describe as, a miracle. She managed to get an emergency appointment at the doctors. In excitement she had rolled around with her dog, Bruno on her bedroom floor. The door was open and as Chibs walked past he couldn’t help but chuckle.

He made up a lie on the spot to tell Rich, about needing something to take back to Charming as a gift to the guys and something for Abel. Eva wanted to go with him, help him pick something out and so when the two of them left that morning there was nothing strange about it. Rich knew Chibs doted on his daughter and she was great at picking out presents. 

As Rich drank the black coffee he’d just made he stared out the window, his eyes narrowed as he stared into the distance as if he’d seen something. Weary he placed the mug down on the side and rubbed his eyes with one hand. He felt a hand clasp on his shoulder, “hey brother you okay?” Chibs asked.

Rich nodded, “yeah, just I keep thinking I see her sometimes. She always used to go for walks with the dogs. And after she’d come back from the beach she’d walk up that path right there. No matter the weather, even in the pouring rain. Through thunder and lighting, she loved all seasons.” He let out a sigh of anguish. 

“Thank you for being here for me, means a lot that you came, you didn’t have to.”

“Ya know me, I like comin’ to see yer all when I’ve been t’ Ireland, but after what you’ve been through recently.” Chibs pulled Rich into a tight hug, “I love you brother.” Rich nodded, “Love you too.”

“So can I take her with me?”

“Huh? Oh Eva, yeah”

Just then Tig walked into the room, grin on his face, “Where you going?” 

“Just to buy some gifts, none of your concern,” Chibs replied flatly, though not unkindly.

“Hey, can’t I go with you?” Tig retorted. 

Chibs wanted to throttle Tig in that moment, as much as he loved his brother, he had a habit of walking in at the worst of times and making situations awkward. He was trying to think of how best to reply when another voice entered the conversation, “you could, but Bruno really needs a long walk and I was thinking you’d like to take him?” Eva walked into the room, the St. Bernard’s following her loyally. 

Tig’s eyes lit up, “man I love that dog,” he rushed past the others.

“Okay then, let’s go,” Chibs clapped his hands together and Eva nodded.

“Bye dad see you in a bit,” she kissed Rich on the cheek, then turned to Tig, “look after him okay?” 

“Are you kidding me?” He replied, as he clasped his arms round Bruno, who in return appreciatively licked his face.

Chibs passed Eva her helmet and then jumped on the Dyna Rich had lent him during his stay. Eva was never nervous on bikes; it was more nerves because of the man she’d be sat behind. But as she slid on behind Chibs and wrapped her arms around him she felt safe. As he pulled out of the car park, she closed her eyes, enjoying the warmth of the sun on her face, the breeze through her hair. All the while her eyes were closed she could pretend and make believe. She wondered whether this was how her mother felt when she was younger, riding like this with her father. 

As they pulled up to the surgery and Chibs turned off the bike’s engine, Eva wrapped her arms even tighter round his waist. They sat for a moment, tilted to the side as she leaned into his back and rest her head on him. He could feel her shaking through his leathers and removing a hand from the clutches to reach for her own he said soothingly, “It’s alright darlin’ I’m right here.”

She nodded, “I know.” When she felt ready she unclasped her grip on him and slowly got off the bike. She watched him, watched his legs, watched the way he ruffled his hair after removing his helmet. 

She turned to the surgery; the building was relatively new, a great oak stood outside in the car park. Roses had been planted in tubs round the entrance and as the sun shone Eva thought the building would look welcoming to almost anyone. However to her in that moment, it seemed grey and void of any life. She imagined barbed wire fences round the outside, the roses seemed to wilt, and the apple trees bore no fruit. The ground had turned to mud, the air had a rancid stench to it when she breathed in through her nose, she shuddered and stopped moving forward.

Something took her hand gently; she looked down to see Chibs’s hand engulf her own, his rings shining in the sun.

“S’okay petal, I got yer,” he squeezed her hand; her eyes searched his for reassurance and found it instantly.

“Thank you for coming with me Chibs, I can’t tell you how much it means to me.”

“No need to, I can tell.” 

They walked in silence across the rest of the car park, above them in the oak tree a murder of crows sat cawing at one another, breaking the silence of the street. As they entered the surgery Eva gulped, she started to blink, fighting back tears. She detested surgeries, hospitals, anything with that clinical feel that felt too clean, too white. The irony was that places like that should be safe, yet she never felt more afraid than when she was in them. There was a time when she’d wanted to be a doctor, but after everything her family had been through she knew it was never going to happen. 

Chibs could feel her shaking so he ran his index finger gently across the palm of her hand. He let go as she walked up to the desk to check, waiting he admired some of the photos that hung on the walls. They were mostly of the ocean, the beach; they all appeared to be local. When Eva finished checking in she turned to look at him briefly before walking into the waiting room. They sat in silence; she watched the hand on the clock slowly ticking. 

Animals, Eva loved animals and so after abandoning her dream of being a doctor she decided she wanted to be a vet, more specifically she was considering specialising in the equine field. Behind the Garage they had several acres of land that belonged to her father, they’d left it as a meadow full of wild flowers, but her father had promised that if when she turned 18 she still wanted to pursue that dream, he’d turn it into stables. She’d been having riding lessons since she was old enough to remember, it was meant to be a distraction from the bikes. It had been her mother’s idea, she hoped if her daughter got into riding enough that she may abandon her dream of riding alongside her father, that she’d lose interest in the motorbikes. It hadn’t quite worked out like that; her passion for both remained equal. 

As Eva stared at a black and white photo of the sea at night, a starry sky a blanket above the world she asked herself the same question she asked every day, “was it my fault?” She murmured something out loud, it was quiet so Chibs didn’t know what she said but he turned to her all the same, “it’s gonna be okay you know?”  
She nodded, “I just hate these places, too much pain and,” she didn’t finish the sentence but Chibs could guess where she was going. The last few months of her mother’s life had been painful for all if the accounts provided by Rich were anything to go by. He couldn’t imagine how he’d of coped if Fiona had gone the same way. No wonder Eva seemed so terrified.

Just then her name flashed up on the screen, she took a deep breath, “okay well,” she stood up slowly and looked at Chibs for reassurance who nodded, “I’ll be right here.”  
“Thank you.” He watched her walk away and let out a sigh, how on earth had he gotten himself into this situation? It should be Rich here with his daughter or one of the guys who knew her better, he barely knew her. But then she trusted him enough to talk to him about the most personal part of her life, who was he to deny her his support.  
15 minutes later she emerged from the doctor’s room, Chibs could tell straight away that she’d been crying as her make-up had run a little. However she had a small smile on her face and when he looked at her she nodded. 

He stood up and reached out to take her hand, “I gotta go pick up a prescription,” she explained. 

He nodded and followed her round to the pharmacy. 

“How’d it go?” He asked trying to remain casual, partly hoping that she wouldn’t go into too much detail.

“You were right, it’s gonna be okay,” she looked up at him and smiled. That was all she said on the matter, she didn’t discuss it again. Now that she’d been to the doctors she’d realised how she could have done this without him and felt stupid for ever bringing it up. But she was grateful all the same.

The following night was Chibs and Tig’s final night with the South Coast Charter. Their sergant at arms, Jonny had planned a massive party with plenty of friends of the club, crow eaters and a local band to play.

“Any excuse huh?” Eva joked to Jonny.

“Oi you!” He turned to playfully punch the side of her shoulder, “you enjoy it anyway.” 

She shrugged, “yeah, this is the shit that makes me one of the cool kids at school. And the shit that makes me one of the hated ones at school.”

“Ahh what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger kid.” He put his hair up into a bun.

“It’s a mess Jonny,” she commented and then pulled the tie out redoing it for him.

“You know since Rosie died, I mean your mum, since your mum died, you’ve really err,” he trailed off, regretting starting to say what he was and struggling to find the words to finish. “What I’m trying to say,” he started again as she finished doing his hair, “you’re looking after us really well, you’re a strong woman and one day you’re gonna make a great old lady.”

She laughed, “who said I wanna be anyone’s old lady?” She put her hands on her hips.

“You know what I mean kid.” 

“Thanks Jonny, means a lot.”

Just then she noticed his eyes trail off into the distance, on turning she saw the girl he’d been desperately trying to impress.   
“Go on,” she said shaking her head.

“Hey sweetheart,” Chibs appeared from the bathroom, “you okay?”

“All good, you seen Tig?” 

Chibs nodded, “Aye I think he’s with Bruno.” 

She laughed, “shall we go rescue my poor pup?”

“Great idea love, what yer drinkin’?” He gestured to the bottle.

“Don’t worry it’s not alcohol, it’s just a shandy, so you know I feel like I’m drinking.”

The two of them walked out of the club house and up the stairs onto the roof where they found Tig. 

“You’re beautiful aren’t you, yes you are, yes you are,” he said as he took the dogs slobbering jaws in between his hands.  
Eva laughed, “Oh Tig don’t go falling in love!”

“Too late,” he looked up at her grinning. 

“Ahhh shite lass,” Chibs said as he followed her, a low chuckle following.

Eva turned round to face him and flashed him a grin, “I can’t blame him, we both love dogs okay? Let us have that.”

He nodded, “aye tha’ I can do.” He placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently, “everything okay?”

She nodded; Tig was so busy with the dog that they continued to talk.

“I always love it up here; I know I’ve told you that before. I just think it’s one of my favourite views in the entire world.”

They both sat down one of the benches that overlooked the cliff and the ocean beyond. They could just see the white rolling waves; Eva closed her eyes for a moment to listen to the sound of them. The moon was high in the sky, a great, bright orb that always gave Eva a guiding light. It had been her mother’s idea to put benches up on the roof and to create a small garden with some grass, a few trees, ivy and flower pots. It was the one part of the club house that had a feminine touch and whilst the guys had all laughed about it at the time, they were grateful for it ever since as it provided the perfect place to escape the stresses of life and the club. 

“You gonna be okay when we’ve gone?” Chibs asked as he pulled out a packed of cigs and offered her one.

“Yeah, I’ll be just fine Chibs,” she rested her head on his shoulder, “thank you again, a million times over.” 

“Anytime sweetheart, we’re always here, me and tha idiot,” he pointed at Tig and then lit her cigarette then his.  
They sat in silence just watching the ocean and enjoying a smoke. The sound of Tig behind them rolling around on the grass with Bruno, adoring him and Bruno occasionally barking. The sound of the party beneath rumbling into the night. 

Before they left Chibs promised Eva that she could always call the club house in Charming or write to him. Eva promised that she would. Chibs held her close for a while before he finally jumped into the range rover with Tig, he’d kissed her cheek gently and brushed her hair from her face, “be strong lass, everything will be okay.” Those were the last words she heard him say for a long time.


	3. The Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back in Charming, Chibs keeps his promise to write to Eva and she sends him letters. 3 Years after they last saw each other, Eva finally sends Chibs a letter explaining how she feels about the death of her mother, as well as something for Tig that brightens his day. The contents of the letter lead Chibs to make a decision and convince Jax that the club could do with a trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW - talk of suicide/someone who committed suicide. I know it's in the tags but I wanted to make a clear note to explain this chapter contains quite a bit of this. This is really a personal chapter, I know people always say writers put a lot of themselves into characters, or at least into one character. I try to avoid doing too much of that, but Eva goes through/has been through something personal to me (and recent), writing this has been cathartic and essentially therapy for me. So I apologise if it's a bit much in places or too personal. Thanks everyone for reading, for the comments, kudos etc. Please let me know what you think!

Whilst they didn’t speak much, Eva did indeed write to Chibs quite frequently. Most of it was news, how school was going and then college when she turned 16. She talked about her riding, the plans for the stable, what grades she needed to pursue a career as a vet. She sent him drawings too, just a handful every year that passed. 3 years after he’d visited she sent a letter with an extra envelope in it addressed to Tig. She’d spent hours doing a pencil sketch of Bruno for him.

The moment Chibs had opened that letter a huge grin spread across his face. He’d waited till he got to Tellow-Morrow to open post, usually bills, junk and other shite but he knew the moment he saw her hand writing it was going to be a good day.

He sat at the bar for a moment before he started to read, always a little nervous to read her letters, terrified that she’d say something that would make him worry. He’d made a promise not to disclose personal information to Rich, he’d promised she could vent to him any time and he wouldn’t go running his mouth, it was important she had someone to turn to. But he knew if she said anything that made her sound she’d end up like Rose, he’d have to break that promise.

“Can I err get you a drink, make you some breakfast?” Chucky walked into the club room, full of energy.

For a moment Chibs didn’t react, fingers still clasped round the enveloped, he shook his head as if trying to get rid of worrying thoughts.  
“Okay, yah need anything just say,” Chucky clapped his hands together and begun to walk off.

“Hey Chucky, sorry, no I was in my own world. Coffee,” he said before adding, “please.”

Chucky appeared again a few minutes later, Chibs had by this point put his glasses on and begun to read, already he’d laughed twice at some of Eva’s anecdotes.  
“Like father, like daughter and then some,” he chuckled under his breath. 

He wasn’t sure whether he felt affectionate towards her because she reminded him of Kerrianne, or whether it was something else. He couldn’t place a finger on it, and dwelling on it just made him confused and feel guilty. He’d only ever felt one way towards her, and that was as his friend’s daughter, almost a surrogate Uncle, he’d wanted to protect her and be there for her. She was 17 now, he’d made the decision to call her on her birthday and she’d nearly cried down the phone, it was all he needed to know it meant a lot.  
Now she’d started sending photos with her letters, she sent a few from her 17th party too. The club house had looked amazing; Rich really had spared nothing for his girl, decorations and people everywhere and her surrounding by people who loved her. 17 now…legal he thought, it wasn’t the first time he’d thought that, the first time had been as soon as she turned 16. Though the second he thought it he’d felt disgusted in himself. She was a woman now; there was no doubt about it. Her voice on the phone had been commanding, the poses she pulled in her photos were powerful, but her expressions remained playful. 

In her previous letters over the three years, she occasionally mentioned her mother but it was this letter where she was finally honest, finally opened up the way in which she’d planned on doing for so long. Just as Chibs started to read the second page Gemma walked in, her heeled boots clipping on the wooden floor. 

“That sweet girl still writing to you?” She asked smiling.

“Aye, mom,” he smiled back at her. 

“It’s sweet you know, what you do for her. Can’t be easy kid growing up without her mother.”

“You sayin’ I’m a surrogate like fuckin’ mother hen now?” He laughed.

She shook her head, “you know what I mean sweetheart,” she placed her hand on his shoulder, “you’re a good man.” She squeezed gently. 

Chucky appeared carrying a steaming mug of black coffee and placed it gingerly on the bar, his face lit up on seeing Gemma.

“Oh I see, so Chibs gets offered a drink.” She raised her eyebrow at Chucky, purposefully winding him up. 

Chucky almost blushed, “hey I didn’t know you were around.” He almost sounded hurt. 

Gemma shot Chibs a knowing glance, “what am I gonna do huh?”

“All these men,” Chibs teased, “speaking of which, how’s Nero?”

At this point Chucky realised this was his cue to exit and make Gemma coffee, it didn’t go un-noticed, “thanks,” she smiled at him. 

Looking back to Chibs she shrugged but still had a smile on her face, “we’re good I guess, early days, stuff with Jax is, well you know.” 

Chibs nodded, things had been chaotic over the past few months to say the least. Several deaths, Clay no longer President, Gemma having break-downs, fall outs between members. It couldn’t help but reflect on how it didn’t used to be like this, but then change was inevitable and he knew better than anyone that you had to go through the shit to get through the glory at the other end.

“I’m sorry sweetheart I’ll let you keep reading, hope I get to meet her one day.”

Chibs nodded, “Funny you should say that, Jax was thinking of all having a trip over there some point this year.”

“You kiddin’ me?” She seemed curious; Jax hadn’t said a word to her. 

“Aye, we need to get business in order first, but he figured we could use a break, a distraction. Despite awful reason we were there, it was good going to Belfast the last time and seein’ another charter.”

Gemma couldn’t fail to notice the hopeful look on his face, unsure whether he was thinking of Eva or hoping it would be an excuse to see Fiona and Kerrianne once they crossed the pond.

As Gemma left Chibs took his first sip of coffee for the day, he let the aroma fill his nostrils and took a moment to close his eyes and relax. Chibs was never himself till he’d had his morning coffee, though he still couldn’t deny his love for tea, this however was kept a little more private and enjoyed in his flat.

When he was ready he continued to read the letter, airing a sense of trepidation he took a deep breath and read her words, his hands shaking a little as she opened up, deeper into her thoughts than she ever had. 

_Ahhh Chibs, I’m sorry sometimes the laughter and funny tales must end, I must come to the main reason why I am writing this letter. You’ll have realised I don’t speak about mum often, I occasionally mention her in fond memories because I worry if I don’t that she’ll disappear, that no one will remember her. Dad still grieves over her, he pretends it’s all okay, he hangs around with crow eaters all the time and it hurts me. I get that he’s lonely, that being with women helps take some of that pain away. Sometimes I just want him to open up to me, to know that it’s okay to cry. I get so sick of the bullshit here sometimes, men having to prove who’s got the biggest dick and reinforcing bs stereotypes. I’m sorry I’m going off now, ranting about stuff that doesn’t even matter. Only, no, it does matter, this was one of the things that drove mum crazy. I guess she wasn’t strong enough to keep fighting. I guess in the end she just wanted to sleep and I think that’s okay._

_I wasn’t sure I could ever forgive her, but between you and me, I forgave her the very day she killed herself. The moment it happened, because I knew I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t. That doesn’t mean I’m not angry or hurt, it doesn’t mean I’m any less confused. But what I do know is that in that moment when she chose to take her own life, she wasn’t herself, I think she was already dead in some way. I can’t blame her for what she did, if that was the only way out then I don’t believe it was cowardly. I know how the sons feel about suicide and that’s what I hate most of all, I hate how all the guys must think about her. They say they all miss her, they say how much they loved her but behind their eyes I see more – coward how could she leave her daughter?_

_Chibs – my heart breaks, not because she’s gone, but because of how I know she’s remembered. Instead of people remembering her playing her guitar on stage in a half empty bar singing all those melancholic, beautiful songs, they’ll remember how she chose to die. Instead of recalling the smiling girl on the back of daddy’s bike, the woman who was so head strong and good at business, the matriarch who truly was the only one to calm them down and come between the chaos, they’ll remember the fucking, empty husk at the end of the line. What do I do now? I feel so lost without her, I’ve been in denial – pretending everything is okay and that I can cope without her. Of course I can, I have no choice but there’s so much I wanted to know about her, so much I wish I could ask her about._

_I’ll never forget the day I found her, she wasn’t dead – “I love you, don’t ever forget that.”_

_And I won’t ever forget that, but what I want to know is how on earth could my own mother look me in the eyes mid overdose, tell me she loves me and then continue to overdose. I guess it’s as I said before, she didn’t know what she was doing. The only moments she was my mother in that last hour was when she spoke those words to me, but aside from that she wasn’t her anymore was she? Tell me that it wasn’t her anymore Chibs, I don’t care if it’s a lie to make myself feel better._

_Well I think that’s about all I’ve got to say about that, I’ve been seeing this guy called Tom. Not really sure it’s gonna last and dad doesn’t like him much either. Then again I don’t think dad will like any man I’m with, unless it was a Son, maybe? I don’t know, the whole boyfriend thing still doesn’t feel that important to me. My friend Jessie says it should be important, she says I should be going out more. It’s not like I don’t socialise, I’d just rather spend more time up the rode with the horses or helping at the garage and drawing. Maybe I should pick up the guitar again, then again I never could really play, mum had been teaching me before she died but, well I haven’t played since and I’m not sure I could again. So Tom, he’s okay I guess, a bit pushy, attractive and nice enough but nothing that makes my heart leap or makes me forget all the shite. It’s nothing like when you described Fiona to me and what it was like when you were younger._

_There’s this song – I say this song as if you’d never heard of it before, of course you have it’s Pink Floyd. Anyway their song, ‘wish you were here’ I keep having it on repeat, makes me think of mum you know, it makes me cry but that’s okay because it’s only briefly and after crying I always feel a whole tonne better. But then I realise it’s not just her I miss, it’s not just her that I think about when I hear that song, I think…I think it remind me of you too. I’m blushing now just writing this, I’m so sorry if I cause you any embarrassment, I’m just a confused teenage – nearly adult girl. But thank you, as always from the bottom of my heart for being there for me. For allowing me to open up to you, for being a person I can trust._  
I hope you’ll come back soon and someday I can come out to Charming to visit you, Tig and to meet all the others.  
Hope you’re well, and not getting up to too much mischief. Next time I’ll send you some short bread. I saw some tinned Haggis, can you believe it? Bet it’s nothing like the real stuff with a rich whiskey sauce, tatties and parsnips. Am I making your mouth water yet? ;)  
Lots of love,  
Your friend, Eva xxxxx 

_P.S. I hope you like the drawings, there’s one for Tig of Bruno , I know how much he loved that dog. Please tell him Bruno is doing well, I think he’s found a girlfriend._

_P.P.S. Oh my God how could I forget to tell you! I have a bike!! Dad did up the first bike he ever rode for me for my birthday! I’m so excited, I mean I don’t have my CBT yet, let alone an A1 or A2, but I own a Harley! I feel like a proper member of the family now. x_

When Chibs finished reading the letter he folded it carefully and put it back into the envelope before jumping down from the stool and slipping behind the bar. He poured himself a whiskey which he knocked back before returning to the bar stool. “Jesus Christ Eva,” he muttered under his breath and put his head in his hands, elbows propped on the hard bar. His eyes were red where she’d reduced him to tears, he’d tried frantically to wipe them away so no one would see he’d been crying. But then stopped, realising that was exactly one of the things that infuriated Eva about the Sons in the first place. Admittedly Chibs felt that the Redwood Charter were more open about ‘showing feelings’ amongst brothers, but he still understood where she was coming from. 

He felt mixed up and confused, there was the joy at hearing from her and the early laughter, then all the grief and pain, followed by her confessing to missing him. He shook his head unable to think clearly and lit up a cigarette, as he sat smoking he unfolded the drawings that were attached to the letter. She usually sent sketches of horses, bikes and the view from the rooftop where they’d sat to chat. She’d even drawn a beautiful crow once for his birthday with a rosary in its mouth. But this time she’d done something exceptional.  
He stared at his own reflection. She had drawn the most wonderful pencil sketch of himself. In it he had his glasses on, one hand reached to take a cigarette out of his mouth and the other a book, Cormac McCarthy’s – The Road. She’d written on the back, (I’m sorry, I may have taken a few photos of you without you knowing. It’s not meant to be creepy, I’m sorry I realise it is, I just, I really, really wanted to draw you. But I’m a bit shit from memory so I hope you don’t mind). And Chibs didn’t mind, he really, really didn’t mind.  
He went to wake up Tig and hand him the drawing, he was on one of the sofas in the club house, one arm draped casually round a crow eater. He was snoring loud, a bottle of half-drunk beer in the other hand. 

“Tig,” Chibs shook him by the shoulders. “Tiggy!” He shouted louder till Tig jumped up, dropping the bottle to the floor. As it smashed the girl woke up and half screamed. Chibs rolled his eyes, “Jesus Christ look at the state of yer.” 

Tig shrugged his shoulders, “hey beautiful.” 

“Yah speakin’ to me or the girl?” Chibs asked. 

“Either’s good,” Tig joked. 

Chibs sighed and handed across the drawing, “got a letter from Eva this morning, she did this for yer.” 

When Tig saw the drawing his eyes opened wider, “Holy shit, this is incredible.” 

“Aye it is,” Chibs agreed, nearly swapping the word it for she. 

He vowed to write back to Eva that very day, as he always did, giving little bits of news from Charming, though ever careful not to disclose anything that would put the club or her in a compromising position. He’d update her on Abel and Thomas, tell her about Diosa and Red Woody, tell her that the sun was shining as always, knowing it would make her jealous. He promised in fact that tonight he would pick up the phone and let her know she was not alone. Along with Eva he would call Kerrianne, see how his sweet girl was getting on and promise her that her daddy was come to see her soon. 

“I’ll be back in a bit,” he said to Tig as he put his helmet on. 

“Where you going brother?” 

“I gotta see Jax.” 

Tig nodded, “k brother see yah in a bit,” he returned to staring at the drawing of Bruno. 

Chibs knew he had to convince Jax to take them all the British Isles as he’d been discussing for some time, though he sensed he may need Tara’s help to add a little persuasion. And if not? He’d already made up his mind to go back alone for a week; it had been too long since he’d seen Kerrianne anyway. As he pulled out of the garage, he had a sense of determination and drive that surged through him, after all the shite they’d been through recently; things had to be looking up. 


	4. Reunion and Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Samcro arrive at the South Coast charter where Rich and the rest have planned a huge party. Eva drinks a little more than she can handle and ends up revealing too much in a drunken haze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In terms of where this chapter fits in on the SoA timeline, it'll be around the beginning of season 6 I guess. I've tried to make it seem believable and fit in with events, so Juice is still present and Rat is now present, Clay and Opie are not. I'm not entirely sure how many years are supposed to have passed but judging by the kid who plays Abel in the show etc. I've taken it as 3 years since Belfast. Enjoy!

The fourth time he held her had been a dream come true. 

After vesting Jax and talking things through, he had agreed that Chibs was right; the club needed a break even if just for a week. It was good for mother to check in with other charters, especially those abroad and those who needed a little help. When Chibs spoke to Eva after opening her previous letter, he’d also spoken to Rich and he had to confess to the rest of the club he hadn’t heard the South Coast President sound so down before. So Jax made the decision to take the club as well as Tara and Gemma, across the water. They would head to Belfast for 3 nights to touch base with Sambel and so Chibs could see Kerrianne and Fiona, and Jax could see Trinity. Jax hadn’t seen her or even spoken since finding out she was his half-sister. It had nearly been awkward between the two of them and Tara couldn’t find out what nearly happened, but Jax figured it was time to make things right. After Belfast they would head to Portsmouth for 3 nights to spend it with Samport.

Eva had been unable to contain her excitement at the thought of seeing Chibs again, as well as Tig and being finally able to meet the rest of the guys. She’d been helping the crow eaters and old ladies to tidy up the club house and make up the bedrooms for the guys. She’d been shopping with Lianne, the old lady of the club’s VP, Banks, she was the closest thing she had to a mother figure.

In total she’d bought four new outfits, new shoes, make-up, had her hair cut, eyebrows done. 

“Who’re you trying to impress?” Lianne laughed as she watched Eva pose in front of a shop mirror as she tried on a little, black dress.

Eva blushed, “no one.”

“Oh no, not that Tom boy you were seeing?” She teased.

“Uh-huh, no that’s over with.” Eva dismissed the comment.

“Seriously? You don’t give these boys much of a chance do you?”

Eva let out a long sigh, her friends, the crow eaters and the guys were always commenting on how frequently her boyfriends changed, how no one ever lasted long. The truth was that out of them all, there’d only been one she’d actually really liked, but then he went and did something she couldn’t forgive him for. If she was being honest the only reason she kept dating was to stop others asking questions.

“I just, I don’t take it seriously okay? I try, I go on a few dates to see how we get along, see if I like them but there’s never enough there. It’s not like I’m sleeping with them.”  
“Not one of them?” Lianne asked curiously.

Eva shook her head as she slipped the dress over her head and held up a leopard print crop top, “I know everyone thinks I’m crazy but when I find the right person then I’ll be interested.” She shrugged again after wiggling into the top, “Jesus this looks awful on me.”

Lianne laughed, “you look like a crow eater.”

Eva rolled her eyes, “that’ll never do.”

Something caught Lianne’s eye at the back of the shop, they hadn’t looked round there as Eva had already picked up several outfits by this point, “hang on sweetie, don’t leave the changing room, I think I’ve got something for you to try on.”

Lianne came back a moment later and passed a tartan dress through the curtains to Eva, “I think I know who’ll like this,” she said with a wink.  
Eva popped her head round the curtain, “And what’s that supposed to mean huh?”

“You know who I mean,” Lianne teased as she leaned back against the wall.

Eva grinned, “that obvious huh?”

Lianne nodded, “yup.”

“Shit, I guess I better try to cover that up or my dad will go spare. Not that anything’s gonna happen but I can dream right?”

“Can’t say I disagree with you there! Though please tell me this isn’t why you haven’t slept with a guy yet?”

“Li-Li, I’m seventeen, it’s not like I’m pushing thirty. It’s not that simple, I just haven’t felt as comfortable round anyone else as I do around…” she paused as she looked at her reflection with the dress on.

“You can say his name you know.”

“Chibs,” Eva breathed out slowly, she opened the curtain to the dressing room to show Lianne the dress.

“Oh Eva look at you, you look stunning,” Lianne gushed. “That’ll be perfect for the big welcome party on Friday night.”  
“You think?” 

“Of course.”

Eva looked sad suddenly, “wait I’m not sure I’m even going to the party.”

“Why not?”

“I’m not old enough to drink, I’m not sure my dad wants me around that sort of debauchery till I’m at least 18.”

“Rubbish,” Lianne shook her head, “he’ll let you go, I’ll see to that.”

Eva looked at her reflection in the mirror once more and gave a reassuring smile to herself, “thank you Lianne.”

Finally the day Samcro arrived came. Eva in her excitement and anticipation changed her outfit three times before settling on a ripped pair of black skinny jeans and a halter neck, leather look vest. She didn’t want to dress up too much, that was to be saved for the party. But she still wanted to impress everyone, especially Chibs. She put on a pair of studded ankle boots with small heels on them, straightened her hair and curled the ends before tying it up into a high pony tail, leaving her sweeping fringe down. 

The moment Eva heard the distant rumbling of bikes she sprung to her feet and raced down the stairs pushing the clubs sergeant at arms, Rollie and one of the Prospects, Trigger out the way.

“Hey kid slow down!” Rollie shouted after her.

“Nu-huh, not today!” She replied as she dashed through the club house.

She raced out into the parking lot and stood eagerly waiting for the bikes to appear. She was joined a moment later by her father, Banks and Lianne, the rest of the club and a few friends and crow eaters soon followed. They’d put up a huge banner saying, “welcome Samcro,” that had been Eva’s idea. Despite all the excitement for this moment, Eva now felt a nervous sickness gathering in the pit of her stomach. What if this goes badly? What if it’s not the same? What if he spends so much time with crow eaters that he has no time to speak to me? 

She felt a hand on her shoulder, “hey love, it’s gonna be fine.” She looked over her shoulder; Lianne was giving her a reassuring smile. 

The sound of the bikes got much louder and as she turned back around she saw them come through the gates followed by a black car, driven by Gemma. There was an eruption of cheers and whoops as Samcro arrived, they could already see the other members grinning from ear to ear and cheering in response. 

As Samcro backed their bikes up and switched off the engines the members of Samport and Eva walked towards the members of Samcro to greet them. Rich went to Jax first and took him into a huge embrace after shaking hands, “tour and party first brother, we’ll get to business in church tomorrow.” Jax nodded, “alright brother, no rush.”  
“How was Belfast?” Rich inquired.

Jax smiled, “better than last time.” 

but Eva ran straight for Chibs. As he removed his helmet and glasses he saw her amongst the other members running towards him and gave her a huge grin. She threw her arms around him, “hey stranger,” she said resting her head on his chest.

“Hey there lass,” as they pulled away from the hug he studied her face, saw how much she’d grown, “great to see you.” She nodded, “you too.” She reluctantly broke apart from him to allow others to say hi and went in search of Tig, “hey!” She heard his voice before she saw him, his arms grabbed her and they hugged. “Where’s that beautiful dog of yours?” Eva had to laugh, “Bruno!!” She shouted.

A moment later Bruno bounded over the car park and towards Eva, “there he is, what a good boy, aren’t you? Aren’t you?” She cooed and then moved away to allow Tig to reunite with him.

Chibs laughed on seeing them together, “Jesus tha didne take long did it?” He asked.

She shook her head, “well what did you expect?”

He slipped a hand around her waist and pulled her close, “it really is good to see you sweetheart, you look so…” he paused trying not to sound creepy especially in front of Rich or the others, “you look beautiful and so grown up.” She blushed, “thank you, and you,” she looked up at him, “you have more grey hair,” she laughed teasing him. He pulled away but laughed, “Really?” 

“I’m sorry, that sounded way worse than it was meant to,” she apologised, “you’re a silver fox, it suites you,” she winked without really realising what she was doing.  
Rich put his arm round his daughter, “I want to introduce you to everyone.”

He took her to meet Jax, Happy, Bobby, Juice, Rat, Tara and Gemma. Tara was sweet with her, Gemma was even sweeter, “I’ve heard so much about you,” she said as she hugged Eva.  
The problem Eva had in this moment and frequently had was she could become awkward round new faces pretty quickly. Never wanting to offend anyone or embarrass herself, her first meeting with the other members and the ladies was mostly smiles and nods.

Rich clapped his hands together, “I want to welcome you all to our home, and to know that you’re all very welcome here. I know it’s not far from Belfast but I guess you guys could do with relaxing for a bit, settling in, freshen up,” he purposefully put on a dull voice and turned to Eva with a knowing glance. “But tonight, tonight we are throwing you the biggest party this Charter has ever seen!” 

They all let out a cheer and slapped each other on the back, “And maybe if we’re lucky Bobby you’ll give us a song.” 

Bobby put his hands up, “I guess I don’t have a choice do I?”

“Nu-huh,” Lianne said. 

“Right let’s show you round and to your rooms, Eva you coming with?” Before she could answer he remembered something, “oh and I forgot to say, cold beer anyone?”  
Again they erupted into cheers as the members of Samport handed open bottles of San Miguel out to the others. Rich and Eva then led them on a tour of the club house and garage, making sure they knew where all the food and drinks were as well as the best and worst bathroom facilities. “There’s plenty of gorgeous girls if you should need company. Then there’s Bilbo,” he pointed at a tall man with wild curly hair behind the bar who smiled and waved, “he’s a club friend, chef, general dogsbody.”

“Bilbo?” Tig asked shaking his head.

“Yeah Bilbo on account of his wild tales and curly hair.”

They then walked up the large wooden staircase to a floor with 14 bedrooms, “this place used to be a hotel of sorts, figured it was a good location for a club house.”  
“Aye,” Chibs agreed admiring the art and posters on the walls. 

They walked down the hall each being shown their bedrooms and handed a key, “they all have ensuite bathrooms, there’s fresh towels, toiletries, a mini fridge, water, kettle, coffee, ahh you get the picture,” Eva explained as she handed the first key to Jax and Tara. 

“Like staying at a hotel huh?” Jax laughed.

“Eva’s a perfectionist,” her father explained. 

Once all the guys and Gemma had been shown to their rooms Rich turned to Eva, “well I think that went well, now to get on with preparations for tonight.” He walked back down the hall whistling to himself and Eva smiled, this was the happiest and most at home she’d seen her father in an awfully long time. She gathered her thoughts then went to follow him, content that their guests were happy and that Chibs was once again sleeping under the same roof as her. She had a room at the club house just like her father and whilst she spent most nights in the family home, on nights of business or parties she always stayed at the club house so she wasn’t home alone.

“Hey lass,” Chibs called her as she walked past his bedroom. 

She turned to face him but didn’t move from the hall, “was this you?” He asked holding up a box of shortbread, a copy of the Scotsman and one of the awful tins of Haggis she’d described to him.

She nodded, “yeah it was.”

“Thank you, hey come here for a sec,” he beckoned for her and she walked slowly into his room, her heart rate increasing slightly. “Is everything okay?” He asked brushing her fringe away from her eyes.

She nodded and reached up for his hand, brushing it gently with her fingers she sighed. Looking up into his eyes she felt she could cry. This reunion was supposed to be happy but still being close to him made her want to open old wounds and talk about her mother again.

“Yes Chibs, everything’s okay, everything’s okay now you’re all here and my dad is smiling again.”

“Thank yer for being so open in your last letter; I hope it helped you, to talk to me like that.”

“It did,” she reassured him.

“And yah know, whilst I’m here, you n I are gonna have plenty of time to talk okay?”

She stepped forward a little, her fingers still on his hands, becoming aware of this she dropped her hand to tuck hair behind her ear, “I look forward to it.”  
They stood in silence for a moment, “How’s Fiona and Kerrianne?” She asked.

His face lit up when she said their names, “aye they’re good. Kerrianne’s so grown up now, like you lass. I thin’ you’d get on great like. And Fi, well Fi is Fi, still strong and stubborn.” He let out a chuckle.

“No chance of a…” she wished she hadn’t started the sentence.

“A reunion of sorts between Fi and I? Nay, never. I’ll always love her but some things are best left in the past.”  
Eva felt glad of this information, then immediately felt awful.

“Well I gotta go help my dad sort everything out for the party.” She went to leave and then turned back to Chibs and put her arms slowly round him, squeezing gently. He wrapped his arms round her in return; he could smell the scent of coconuts in her hair and buried his nose into it briefly.  
“K, I’ll see you in a bit,” he said as he let go of her.

She felt cold the moment she was out of his arms and staring at him for one moment before she left she realised a horrible, truth. She’d tried lying to herself and saying that she just needed to see him and keep in contact with him and that it would be enough, but now this close and alone with him she felt something more. She didn’t quite understand what it was but she knew that even when in a room full of people she cared about; if he wasn’t there she’d feel alone.  
“Bye then,” she whispered as she waved and left him to relax. 

As 7pm rolled round the club house was full of life, Highway to Hell blared from the speakers and PA system. Outside they had plenty of fires going, a hog roast and food laid out. Inside there were girls dancing, members playing pool, drinking games and spilt drinks. Eva had never seen anything quite like it and she knew she loved it. Slipping on the dress, stockings and black heels she’d bought to go with it she felt a little over dressed compared to the crow eaters and girls like Tara and Gemma who looked flawless but more casual.  
The dress came to a few inches above the knee with a small split up one side, but was scooped in a v at the top to reveal some of her cleavage. She nearly got changed out of it when Lianne knocked at the door.

“Lianne I can’t wear this, it’s too much!” She panicked as Lianne came in.

“Eva listen, you look gorgeous, you look like you belong and you don’t look trashy like half those girls. Come on,” she handed across her red lipstick.  
“Red? Really?” Eva raised an eyebrow.

“You said you wanted to paint the town red.”

Eva sighed and turned to her mirror to apply the lipstick, aside from that she didn’t have a lot of make-up on, just some nude eye shadow, mascara and thin eyeliner on her top lid.  
Lianne reached out for Eva’s hand, “come on Princess let’s go.”

When Eva walked down the stairs she could feel eyes on her, but it didn’t seem negative, rather people were smiling at her and with every step she found her confidence grew. At the bottom of the stairs looking across the club house she saw Chibs talking to Rat and Jax, she gulped and then letting go of Lianne’s hand she strode across the room.  
Once behind Chibs some of her confidence left her so she gave a fake cough and then poked Chibs through his cut. He turned round slowly, annoyed to be interrupted mid conversation, but when he saw who it was, any annoyance he felt melted away.  
“Hey lassie,” he smiled.

“Hey,” she looked up sheepishly, her hands were clasped together. She looked at Rat and Jax and nodded to each of them, “hey.”

“Hey kid,” they replied. 

“Urgh kid,” she smiled as she moved forward so she was stood in a circle with them.

“Sorry, I used to get it all the time,” Jax paused then looked across at Chibs, “In fact I still it from this one.”

Eva laughed, “I see how it is.”

“You look great kid,” Jax said, Rat nodded nervously.

“Yeah Eva you do, you look beautiful,” Chibs added and caught her eyes. They stared at each other without breaking eye contact for just a moment long enough that Jax and Rat knew better than to hang around.

“See you in a bit brother,” Jax said patting Chibs on the back as they walked off to find Tara.

“You like the dress?” Eva asked, before waiting for a reply she added, “you don’t think it’s corny?”

“Corny? No, why would I?”

She shrugged, “I dunno, I really liked it, Lianne picked it out,” she pointed across the room to Lianne who’d been watching them and gave an over enthusiastic wave.  
“Your mother would be proud of you darlin’,” Chibs said sadly.

“You knew my mother didn’t you?” Eva asked looking hopeful.

“Aye, I did. She played guitar beautifully, she was always so diplomatic, something us lads could do with learning.”

Eva smiled, “it’s nice to hear nice things about her, even if history gets distorted by nostalgia.” 

“Everythin’ I say is the truth lass,” he promised and took another swig of beer until the bottle was empty. “Another?” He asked her motioning to her bottle that was already empty, she nodded.

As the night went on Eva lost track of how much she’d drunk over the course of the night but the more she drank the happier she thought she was. She danced with the crow eaters, Lianne and the other girls, she even managed to pull Gemma up to dance briefly. She played pool with Tig and had a glorious victory over him. She did shots of Tequila with all the guys for the first time in her life, and was utterly confused by the line of salt and lime for afterwards. She took so many photos that her camera battery died towards the end of the night but by that point she no longer cared.

She was just starting to think of heading off to bed as the night was winding down, Jax and Tara had already gone, Bobby had sung several songs for them all, many of the guys had disappeared with girls or were cuddled up on the sofas or in a corner somewhere. She found she was barely able to walk and couldn’t stop giggling with Lianne and Banks.  
Then something happened that changed the tone of the night for Eva and that tomorrow she would greatly regret. She spotted Chibs sat on one of the sofa’s, a crow eater named Daisy sat on his lap. He had one arm round her and was whispering something into her ear, whatever he said must have been funny because the next second she was laughing hysterically and kissed him on the cheek.

Before she knew what she was doing Eva stormed over to them, Lianne and Banks called after her but she was gone.

When she reached Chibs and Daisy he looked up at her, a drunken smile played on his face, “hey sweetheart.”

She wanted to slap him but instead turned to Daisy, “get the fuck off him whore!” She screamed.

“What the fuck?” Daisy retorted.

“You heard me get the fuck off him, he’s not yours you don’t get to play that game with him,” Eva snapped and grabbed Daisy’s shoulders to pull her off Chibs.  
“We’re just talking,” Chibs tried to argue.

Eva glared at him, tears in her eyes, “yeah looked like that,” she snarled. 

“Eva stop it!” Lianne had rushed over to Eva and was now desperately trying to pull her off Daisy. In a fit of rage Eva slapped Daisy so hard it instantly left a mark.  
“Get off me Lianne!” She shouted and started to thrust her elbows backwards. 

Then she stopped, defeated she let herself fall back into Lianne, “I’m sorry,” she muttered at Daisy.

She was aware that everyone was staring at her, luckily some had gone to bed, and others were so drunk they wouldn’t remember this in the morning. Her father was outside smoking with Jax.  
“Chibs, I’m sorry,” she cried, “don’t you see, don’t you,” drunkenly she started to stutter, “love you, I love you and you’re gonna fuck her and I’m alone and,” she stepped forward to touch his face. He was trying through a drunken haze to process what was going on and react in a sensible manner but he just sat there frozen, “I love,” she stopped, her stomach contracted, her face twisted up and the next second she’d turned away and thrown up all over the floor and onto Chibs’ shoes.

Lianne and Banks helped carry her to bed, put a bucket by her and a glass of water. Banks swung the window in her room as wide open as he could, “Jesus what a night,” he groaned.

Lianne sighed, “It wasn’t supposed to go like that was it?”

Banks scratched his beard, “nope, but when does it ever go right? Hopefully thanks to all the booze none of them will really remember what happened.”  
Lianne nodded then turned to kiss an already sleeping Eva on the forehead, “good night sweetie, sweet dreams.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise it'll be getting a little more steamy the chapter after this (I'll be uploading it tonight) and that's where a lot of the warnings begin to come in! I just wanted to have a bit more story than pure smut.


	5. The Fifth Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eva wakes up with a horrendous hangover and tries to come to terms with what she did the night before and how she was apologise and make it up to Chibs. After apologising in front of everyone she decides to visit him late in the night to explain how she really feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes the smut... warning again if you're not comfortable with reading a sex scene involving someone who is 17 this isn't the chapter for you - again this is set in Britain and she's British so it's not underage, but again I know some people may be uncomfortable with it. Enjoy!

The fifth time he held her was exceptional. 

When she woke up she had a momentary dream where nothing had gone wrong, she recalled all the fun of the party, Chibs complementing her, the dancing…and then that caved and gave way to the alcohol and the shit she’d started with Daisy. Her mind turned to horror when she remembered what she’d said to Chibs, how she’d screamed it in front of everyone. Shame, unfaltering shame. 

Her stomach begun to roll, she jumped out of bed and ran to the toilet. She spent the next 7 hours between the bathroom and her bed, drinking water and trying in vain to keep it down. She gave up trying to sleep so turned on the TV and watched Eastenders omnibus and then Friends repeats. She thought she’d feel better if she wrote everything down in her diary so she did that and it helped, a little.

She vowed when she felt better she’d go apologise to Daisy and then put on some make-up so she looked less tragic and apologise to Chibs.

Somewhere during the day Rich came in to see her, Lianne told him the basis of what happened but didn’t go into details. Rich wasn’t mad with her, just tried to make her believe the truth, that everyone fucked up when they’d drunk too much, that he himself had made similar mistakes.

Rollie brought her some flowers, awkward and quiet as ever he didn’t know what else to do, but he always made her laugh, maybe it was the awfully bleach blonde hair, or the terrible jokes he told and the fact he was her age. But he made her feel better.

Chibs came to see her but she’d fallen asleep, he brushed the hair from her brow where she was sweating and kissed her gently. He left her a note telling her not to feel bad and he’d come see her soon.

Lianne and Banks came bringing food for when she felt better and a massive jug of ice cold water.

If anything Eva felt bad, it was self-pity, it was her fault she was in this situation she didn’t feel she deserved the sympathy.

“Trust me Eva, we’ve all been there. This is your first experience of being drunk, it’s okay,” Lianne promised.

“And Chibs?” Eva asked screwing her face up.

“He’s fine, he’s not mad, he’s just worried about you,” Banks tried to reassure her as he rubbed her arms gently.

“Thanks guys, I do feel better. I think I’m gonna shower and get dressed, then go see Chibs, what’s the time?”

Banks looked at his watch, “it’s just gone 7.”

Eva groaned, “I’ve wasted a whole day, they’re only here for 3 days and I wasted one of them being hung over.”

Banks shrugged, “Eva most of the guys spent the morning hung over and the rest of the day has been dedicated to club business, you haven’t missed much. Tomorrow, well that’s different, we’re gonna get you on that bike and take you out for a ride.”

Eva’s face lit up, “seriously?”

Banks nodded, “would I lie to you?”

“I can’t wait,” she grinned.

“And I get the feeling Chibs is gonna be awfully keen to help you out,” Lianne teased.

Eva rolled her eyes, “so what do I do now? I’m guessing Chibs is still downstairs with the others.”

“Yeah sweetie, why don’t you come down, have some food with us all?”

Lianne whispered something in Banks' ear and he nodded, "see you in a bit Eva." He left her alone with Lianne who took her hand and squeezed. 

"Oh baby I know how you feel about him and I know it hurts, trust me I've been there. But Chibs is," she paused knowing she was stating the obvious. "He's very fond of you, and I know he thought you looked beautiful last night, but he's a lot older than you. They're all good guys but you know how they are, I don't want you getting hurt."

Eva nodded though she could feel tears forming, she scrunched up her eyes which only made it worse. "I know, I'm sorry. I mean I knew I was never gonna be with him I just thought if I could have a few hugs, some compliments, some time alone....it would help me with others," 

"I know baby, I just hate seeing you upset and I know Chibs does too. I shouldn't have encouraged you, I didn't think it would go this far, I'm sorry Eva. 

"Nothing to forgive, it's okay I've learnt my lesson okay?" She leaned forward to hug Lianne. "It still hurts but I know you're right, I'll move on in time." She gave a sad smile, Lianne nodded, "be strong." 

When Lianne had gone Eva got dressed into a pair of grey joggers and a ripped Motley Crue t-shirt, she did her make-up but let her hair stay wavy when she got out the shower. Walking downstairs she felt a little afraid, but mostly embarrassed, however when they all saw her they had nothing but encouraging words and pats on the back. Cheers of how she’d survived her first hang over and drunken fight. She used the club phone to call Daisy to apologise, she didn’t pick up so she left a message.

She sat down to eat Lasagne and salad with the others, her stomach was grumbling where she hadn’t eaten all day. She caught Chibs’ eye several times he smiled at her each time. After eating she walked over to him, placed a hand on his shoulder and whispered, “I’m sorry,” into his ear.

He shook his head, “nothing to say sorry for,” he replied.

She stayed with the others for some time, they’d all agreed they needed a night of chilled drinking and shit movies after the night before. Sometime around 11pm she called it a night. 

Later on that evening she gathered all the courage she had and left her room, despite saying sorry to Chibs earlier she wanted to apologise in private. She made sure no one else was around when she left and ran to his room, knocked quietly and waited a complete jumble of nerves. 

“Who is it?” He called.

“Eva,” she whispered through the door.

“Come in.”

She padded nervously into his room, he was sat wearing his glasses, a familiar smile played on his lips as she entered.

“Chibs,” she started moving to the side of his bed.

“Yes darlin’?” He raised an eyebrow at her.

“I’m sorry, I’m not very good at this, apologies and all, though I find I spend half my time apologising,” she let out a sigh.

“Yer got nothin’ to apologise for lassie.”

“I have though; I was so embarrassing last night. I knew I shouldn’t have drunk that much, I’m sorry if I embarrassed you, just drinking,” she paused as she dug her painted red nails further into her palm, “sometimes it helps.” She closed her eyes.

Chibs felt a deep sense of sadness; he’d been there, hell they’d all been there. Alcohol had a horrible way of becoming a best friend in times of need. The sort of best friend that stabs you in the back.

“Lass, come sit down,” he patted the bed next to him.

She moved forward cautiously, wrapping her night robe round her body tighter and hugging herself. 

As she sat down she turned to look at him, “Why am I so stupid? I play at being a woman but I’m such a silly little girl.”

Chibs shook his head, “Never. You should see the state Jax gets himself into when things go wrong, or any of us for that matter. When we get anxious, nervous or when we feel like life’s too much, sometimes we do silly things to try and escape the pain. Music always helped me; then again I feel like music helps everyone, that’s an obvious thin’ to say ain’t it?”

She laughed a little, “what songs help you?”

“Oh I dunno, all sorts.” He seemed thoughtful for a second, “Simon and Garfunkel – Bridge Over Troubled Water. Bad Company – Seagull.”  
“Simon and Garfunkel?” She laughed.

He smiled and put his hands behind his head, then leaned on the headboard. “Yes Simon and Garfunkel, it’s okay sweetheart, dun worry yourself too much over last night, it’s all forgotten now. Others, they’re more concerned with shite they got up to than you.”

She nodded, “thank you,” she placed a hand on his knee briefly and then stood up slowly and started to walk towards the door.  
“Goin’ already?” He almost sounded disappointed.

She’d been trying to pluck up the courage all day to do what she was about to do, she’d decided finally not to do it. But the way he asked that question, her mind changed and she spun back round. 

“I’ve been thinking,” she begun, looking out of the window across the room.

“Dangerous,” he teased.

She pouted, “I’m serious okay?” He patted the bed once again, she sat down and then unexpectedly put her head in her hands, “shit,” she murmured.  
“What?” His grin turned to a look of concern.

“Last night it wasn’t just a drunken thing, it wasn’t just the alcohol talking,” he speech had slowed down.

Chibs felt a lump growing in his throat, a mixture of fear and excitement over unknown territory. 

“Chibby you know what we discussed the last time you were here?” She continued. 

He nodded, how could he forget?

“I never slept with him, nor the boy after, or after and in fact I’ve still never,” she looked up, something felt stuck in her throat, His eyes widened realising what she meant, “you’re still a…” 

“A virgin,” she said sheepishly, “I’m too afraid, I don’t trust anyone at least not nearly as much as I trust…” she halted, took in a deep breath and said, “you…” He eyed her, unsure of what to say but he didn’t have to as she continued, “I want you Chibs, I want you to be my first and I don’t care what happens after tonight. I know this could never be a…” she struggled to find the words, “it’s never gonna be a thing, I don’t expect anything from you, I just want tonight. The night belongs to.” She stopped, the word that followed was meant to be lovers but she realised she was quoting shit again and making this into something more than it was. She shouldn’t have had a drink for Dutch courage before she came to his room. 

He coughed, “you want what?” He asked unable to believe his ears.

“My first,” she repeated, this time more assertion laced her voice. Realising this she added, “Only if you want to of course.”

He was lost for words; this was one of his best friends daughters. She was 17 years old, loyal to the club, wonderful and so not perfect, but was this portraying Rich? He couldn't decide, all he knew was what he wanted, what they wanted. Rich wanted Eva to be happy and if this would bring her happiness was it really that awful? He knew the age difference was great, he knew he ideally needed days to think it through, he didn't have days.   
“Chibs, please, I need you,” she whimpered as she jumped off the bed. She begged falling to her knees at the side of his bed. Her dressing gown fell open exposing her bra. Her head was bowed to the floor.

Chibs swung his legs round the side of the bed and she lifted her head, she stared up at him between his legs.

He couldn’t deny that elicited a certain response. Her head, her face, her lips so close to his… He gulped, “Eva this isn’t.”

She shook her head, “I know, I know, but I know it’s what I want. It’s what I’ve wanted for so long it hurts.” She looked like she’d cry, “that is if you want me?”  
It wasn’t even a question, he couldn’t lie to her.

“Yes Eva.” He bit down on his lip; she smirked and slowly raised herself.

He held out his arms, she moved forward cautiously and allowed him to pull her into an embrace and onto the bed so she was lying on top of him. He slowly turned them round so his head was resting on the pillows again, she looked down at him, propped up by her elbows. She inhaled through her nose, taking in his scent, the cigarettes, whiskey and cologne, it reminded her of the earth. 

“Hey.”

“Hey,” he responded.

“So, what do we do from here?” She asked, her lips so close he could lick them.  
“I’ll show you baby, don’t worry i'll look after you,” he leaned up so he caught her lips in his own. The moment their lips touched he knew that even if he’d live to regret this, it would be worth it. When they broke away and he heard her rasping breath, felt it hot on his cheek he felt something awaken. 

On the inside Eva felt this hurt, it hurt to be so close to someone she’d admired and wanted for so long. It hurt to finally be in the arms of and being kissed by the only man, the only person who managed to help heal the wounds her mother had left. If she was being honest this was the most delicious and exquisite pain she’d ever experienced, she didn’t know hurting like this could feel so good. She tried to push the lies to the back of her mind, the lies where she’d said she didn’t care what happened, if only she had him for one night, not true, she wanted him always. But for now, she would try to forget the existential crushing reality and enjoy the moment.  
As they kissed deeper and more passionately, tasting and exploring one another’s mouths she could feel his hard member against her thigh. She knew she was growing wet without him ever even touching her. He nibbled her lips gently and licked them, she writhed underneath him. Eventually he flipped her over so she was lying down on the bed, looking up at him she pushed his cut from his shoulders following by his leather jacket and finally helped him take off his shirt. Her eyes glanced over all his tattoos, the one saying Kerrianne making her smile. 

He leaned forward and caught her lips again in another passionate kiss whilst running his hands through her hair. His lips moved to the side of her face and down her throat where he sucked tentatively so she moaned louder, “Chibs.” When she said his name it sent shivers down his spine. When he pulled away he could see he’d left a small bruise. He ran his hands down her sides and back up towards her breasts. When he took them, one in each hand she had to stifle her moans, afraid someone would hear them. He rubbed her nipples through her bra, “take it off,” she murmured and sat forward so he could unhook her bra which he then threw unceremoniously to the floor.  
He took her left nipple in his mouth which he noticed to his delight was pierced, “oh mamma,” he muttered on seeing the piercing. As he suckled at her he played with her right nipple, the teat between his thumb and forefinger. 

“Jesus Christ,” she breathed heavily as she reached for his body. Any part of skin that she could rake her finger nails along, any muscle she could grab and squeeze. Anything she could have to make her closer to him. She looked at his jeans, “take them off,” she commanded.  
“Aye, aye,” he replied jumping off the bed to whip off his belt and removed his jeans. She let out a painful moan when his touch disappeared but was pleased quickly when she saw him, his boxers barely able to contain his erection. When he jumped back onto the bed beside her she reached out for it and stoked him through the material. He could see her hands were trembling, a little unsure of what she was doing.

“That’s it sweetheart, slowly up and down.” He moaned, wanting her to grab him in her hands and jerk him off hard and quick. But equally wanting her fingers to brush against his cock lovingly and gently. 

When he pulled down his boxers to reveal his already hard member she had given him a worried glance. He reassured her, “don’t worry sweetheart, I’ll go slow and if you want me to stop, just say the word.”

She nodded and lay back into the cushions, pulling him on top of her. His weight pinned her down so she couldn’t move, “this okay?” He asked gently as he kissed her neck. She whimpered against him, “Please Chibs,” she begged, “I have to know what it feels like, it has to be you.”  
He smirked as he nibbled her ear lobe, “aye it appears so.” His cock was pressed up against her pubic region, she tried to shift her body desperately to get him closer to her.  
“But first,” he cautioned as he lay down beside her.

He spent a while just touching her gently, stroking her legs until he reached her panties where he ran his fingers along the lace trim. Then slowly ran one finger up the material that covered her slit, she let out the most throaty moan he thought he’d ever heard.He continued to rub her through the material, stroking his own cock as he touched her until he saw wetness soak through the material. 

“I think you’re ready baby,” he murmured and pulled her panties down.

“Just take me.” She stated looking up at him.

“One minute,” he promised and kissed her belly button. He slowly slid fingers between her folds and rubbed round her clit a few times without touching it, then stroked her several times before plunging a finger into her, followed by a second. In and out, he let his fingers slick inside her to make sure she was fully prepared for him. She was so tight and looking at his own cock he was afraid he’d hurt her.

“Condom?” He asked suddenly, sleeping with Eva was gonna be hard enough to explain if anyone found out, but getting her pregnant would be a whole new hell he didn’t wish to unleash on her. 

She nodded, “pocked of my robe.”

He bent down to find the packet; she stared appreciatively at his behind as he did so. When he appeared again he sat on the edge of the bed and put the condom on quickly. Then he turned and jumped back on top of her. 

He kissed her forehead, “nice and slow baby,” he promised as he lined himself up at her entrance. He could feel moisture on the tip before he even entered her. And then in one swift thrust he was inside her, his eyes never left her face and once he was inside he noticed her face screw up as she winced in pain.  
“You okay?” He asked softly as he kissed her lips gently, not moving his hips again.

She opened her eyes and returned the kiss, “I am now,” she smiled. He kissed her again and begun to slowly thrust in and out of her.  
And it was never supposed to be like this. The thought had crossed his mind once or twice, only once she turned 16, once she sent those photos, especially once she turned 17 and said she missed him. But this was never supposed to happen. He wasn’t supposed to be pinching the skin between her thighs with his thumb and forefinger, so gently she barely felt it. He wasn’t supposed to be whispering sweet nothings into her neck whilst nipping gently by the artery. He was never supposed to go down on her, taste her and she was never supposed to taste herself on his lips. Her breath hitching was such delicious poetry. Their bodies were never supposed to become entangled in one another, clumsy kisses and limbs twisting. He was never supposed to break her, to be the first to enter her. Somewhere along the lines he told her his real name, somewhere in the middle of releasing his throbbing sex he was ready to tell her everything.

Afterwards they lay on his bed, cuddled up with her in his arms both smoking a cigarette. He stroked her hair which only made her purr like a kitchen. For several minutes they stayed in silence, Eva full of satisfaction and release. Chibs full of satisfaction and now doubt, why was it before orgasm and whilst riding an orgasm everything made sense, everything was crystal clear? But afterwards, the truth seemed convoluted, confused, the waters now muddied and all that was pure before had been distorted. What the fuck was Rich going to say, or worse do, when he found out he’d taken his daughter’s virginity?

Chibs sighed into Eva’s hair, “don’t worry Chibs,” she whispered, “I won’t tell my dad. It’s our secret.” She put the cigarette out in the ashtray next to the bed before turning round to face him. “What’s the most times you’ve done it in one evening?” She asked.

“Christ we’ve just finished,” He chuckled. “I dunno five, six times.”

“I love a goal,” she said as she kissed his chest.

“Jesus you’re gonna be the death o’me.” He sighed.

“Thank you Chibs,” she said her voice now sincere as her fingers slowly reached out for his scars. “It’s funny, in my entire life I’ve probably only ever spent two weeks with you, and half of that was when I was a child, yet somehow…everything comes back to you. You’ve always been there for me; I feel I know you so well.” She leaned forward and kissed the scar on the left side of his mouth. 

He winced, but only for half a second. Whilst his arms tensed and his mind was telling him to run, the moment her tongue traced the scar, with such gentle attention, he relaxed. His arms loosened into hers and he let out a contended sigh. He could feel the sides of her mouth turning up into a smile, knew that being in his presence was what made her smile, made her feel alive. 

They slept together several times that night, making sure not to make too much noise so they didn’t raise suspicions. Afterwards Eva lay naked against Chibs’ chest, he wrapped an arm round her in a protective manner, “sweet dreams love,” he whispered as he ran fingers through her hair.


	6. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chibs and Eva wake up after their first night together and Chibs has more than one worry on his mind. The two reflect on the night before and make the most of the morning together.

When Chibs first woke he forgot momentarily what he and Eva had done the night before. But as he heard her breathing softly, smelt her; felt her soft skin pressed against hers, his mind turned to panic. He recalled the sound she made as he slid inside her for the first time, the way her body trembled underneath him, the tender way she held him, the way she whispered his name… It was driving him mad all over again just thinking about it and when he saw she was naked under the covers it was all he could do not to pounce on her and take her all over again. 

He let out a deep, troubled sigh. He was raked with guilt, he felt guilty because it was Rich’s daughter but mostly he felt guilty because he felt in some way he’d taken advantage of her. Surely a better man would have declined her invitation no matter how much she begged. She came to him, vulnerable, she’d drunkenly declared her love to him and then despite knowing they couldn’t be together, despite not knowing each other in person that well, he’d still slept with her. Worse than that he’d taken her virginity, surely she’d remember this forever and likely regret it.

He wished he could freeze that moment in time with her curled up safely in his arms, no judgement, no repercussions, just the two of them in a perfect moment. He considered what he should say, who he should tell but the more he dwelt on it the more he realised the answer was staring him in the face. He reached over to the side table, careful not to make too much noise as he didn’t wish to wake Eva. He grabbed his packet of cigarettes and slowly enjoyed the first of the day. He decided that he wouldn’t tell anyone, he didn’t want to lie to his brothers and so if ever the topic came up about his involvement with Eva, especially if Rich was asking then he would come clean. He had no doubt it would go badly at first, he and Rich would end up in the ring, they’d fight it out and hopefully make it right. So he wouldn’t lie, he’d just avoid telling anyone the truth for now.   
He felt Eva stir underneath him, he kissed her brow and moved his hand from under her so he could stroke her hair. 

As her eyes blinked a few times before fluttering open he whispered, “Morning gorgeous.”

She smiled, though still not fully awake she was well aware of where she was and would know that Scottish brogue anywhere. 

“Morning Chibby,” she gave a contented sigh and snuggled further into his chest.

All Chibs could think was thank fuck, his biggest fear wasn’t Rich finding out, rather Eva waking up forgetting where she was, terrified and as she recalled what she’d done and full of regret. However she showed no signs of being afraid or confused. 

Within moments of waking she was kissing his chest, she tasted his salt on her lips. Inviting and reminding her of the ocean, she wanted to taste more.

“Hey, let an old man wake up first huh?” He teased. 

“Sorry,” she blushed.

“Hey don’t be,” he reassured her as he turned on his side to face her. 

They stared for a moment, not blinking, just listening to the birds outside and one another’s breathing.

“What’s the time?” She asked eventually as she yawned.

Chibs tried to grab his phone but had to turn over to reach it, “8:50,” he replied turning back over.

“God, the others will be up soon,” she sighed. Her forehead wrinkled in thought, he could tell she was worried.

“I’ll help you sneak out, check the coast is clear lass,” he walked his fingers down her arm gently sending goose bumps up her spine and making her skin crawl in the best possible way.

“I want to stay here,” she whispered sadly, “I don’t want to go, I….” She felt she might cry, the horrible truth becoming all too apparent. One night would never have been enough, she knew that and she let it happen anyway. 

He wrapped his arm round her and pulled her close so her vision became blurred. She could feel his goatee brushing against her skin, it tickled slightly, “I don’ either,” he confessed.

“Can we stay like this for just a little while longer?” She pleaded as she moved in to kiss him.  
“Aye lass, a wee while longer,” and then he let her take his lips in between her own.   
This time when they kissed the desperation that had been present the night before had disappeared. It had become soft and loving, like fingers trailing ivory keys at the start of a dreamy sonata. She dived a little into his mouth with her tongue, loving the feeling of his heat she tried to concentrate on that instead of the tears that now threatened to fall.  
Unexpectedly he pulled her on top of him, she straddled his hips and continued to kiss his neck softly. Pausing she sat up and looked down at him, her long hair fell over her shoulders and down her chest nearly covering her breasts. Eva moved her hands to his head and brushed his hair back, “you look gorgeous,” she admitted.  
“Nah not I,” he smirked.

She shook her head, “yes you, never seen anyone with half the amount of charm and good looks you have.”  
He let out a loud, hearty laugh, “shhhhh,” she panicked and covered his mouth.

“Oh aye is tha’ how yah like it?” He teased and reached up to grab her wrists.

He let go a moment later when he realised he’d possibly exhorted too much force, “sorry love.” He apologised. 

“No, you didn’t do anything wrong.” She bent down again to resume kissing him. 

His hands trailed up her body to her breasts, once there he laid his hands on them and massaged gently making her moan quietly. She could feel him hard underneath her.  
“I think there’s one left,” she whispered in his ear.

He looked at her confused, “one what?”

She rolled her eyes, “condom dummy.”

“Oh right, yeah.”

She jumped off him onto the floor to find the last packet in her robe pocket and produced it with pride, “reckon we’ve got time before the club house gets too busy?”  
“Best be quick,” he said reaching out for her hand. She took it gladly and allowed him to pull her onto the bed. 

“Is that a challenge?”

“Aye tis,” he said, all humour gone from his voice. She found it terribly hot when he put on a commanding tone.   
He’d already removed his boxer shorts and this time instead of allowing him to do it Eva wanted to put the condom on. “Close your eyes,” she ordered. He did as he was told, no questions asked. A moment later he felt something warm and delectable slide over his cock. She’d taken him in her mouth, first licking round the tip and then all the way down to the base slowly teasing him.

“Hngh,” he let out small moans.

“Shhh,” she replied as his cock popped out of her mouth. She slid the condom on and then mounted him once again.

“Open your eyes and guide me,” she whispered.

He obeyed and helped her slide his cock into her pussy, the moment he entered she winced a little. Not only, not used to something being inside her, but the position was new. However within moments of him helping guide her up and down, his hands on her hips, his knowing eyes searching hers for any traces of pain, she was in ecstasy once again.  
Chibs knew this was a dangerous game to play, this wasn’t fucking, this wasn’t even just sex, this was something higher and he was screwed, literally.

She bent down to kiss him as she continued to move up and down, her breasts bounced deliciously. He raised his hips to meet her and started to thrust in time, bringing himself closer to orgasm. When he felt close her flipped her over and slowly went in and out of tenderly, never once breaking contact between his lips and her flesh. He could feel her tighten around her and he reached down to rub her clit. “Come with me,” he whispered in her ear and bit down on her ear lobe.

“Oh fuck Chibby,” she moaned as quietly as she could muster.

Afterwards they lay in bed, smoking once again until their heartbeats had returned to normal. 

“Gotta go to,” Eva said as she got up and walked to the bathroom. 

As she flushed the toilet she heard movement outside the room.

“Chibs you up man?” Happy’s familiar voice came through the other side of the door.

“Shit,” she muttered as she quickly ran back into the bedroom to grab her robe. 

“I’m up, I’m up, I’ll be down in a min,” Chibs replied.

The two of them looked at each other, a reassuring glance. She went over to him and kissed his cheek, “guess it’s time to go.”

He nodded, “I’ll see you downstairs.”

Her face screwed up suddenly like she was in pain and she reached down to her stomach. 

“Yer okay love?” He asked concerned.

She forced a smile and nodded, “yeah just you know, cramps,” she shrugged.

Her stomach had been hurting on and off for two days now but with Samcro visiting, all the excitement, then her hangover and last night, she’d consistently had something to take her mind off it. That and the stick on heat patches and paracetamol had done wonders.

“Oh, right I see, erm I’m sorry, I didn’t make it worse did I?” Chibs replied

She smiled, “don’t be silly, hey at least I actually get a period now huh?”

He smiled at her and got up off the bed to give her a hug and kiss before she had to leave.

“Let me check,” he offered as he moved to the door. Cautiously he opened it, the coast was clear so he turned to her and nodded. She grinned and ran past him, down the corridor and into her room.

Once inside and with the door closed she leaned up against it, a massive grin now on her face. She knew she had a lot to write about in her diary today. It was only now that she was back in her room she thought about the consequences of their actions the night before, at least they had foresight enough to use a condom every time. There was one thing she couldn't decide on, whether or not to tell Lianne. But on remembering their conversation the day before she thought it was best to keep this between herself and Chibs, after all that was what she'd promised him. This way it wasn't complicated, this way it was just two friends having sex, no one gets hurt. Only someone did get hurt, at least would get hurt when it came time for Samcro to depart. She tried to forget that, they still had today and another night together and she was sure they'd manage to snatch a few private hours. She would just have to put all the negative thoughts and period pains away in a box, she had a bike to ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I know that was pretty short but I didn't want the content in the next chapter to be mixed with this one as I feel it needs a chapter of it's own. Please let me know what you think!


	7. First time solo and bloody encounters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rich, Tig and Chibs take Eva out for her first time on Rich's old bike. Lianne and Tig have suspicions. Samcro enjoy their last night in England and Chibs and Eva enjoy another night together, though things don't go quite as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while, I've been really busy with work, comedy and other writing but here I am with the next installment. This was meant to be a lot shorter but I'm loving writing it so dragging it out. Please note this chapter contains menstrual sex just as a heads up if you're not comfortable with that.

It was her first time. Her first time riding solo and she was terrified and excited in equal amounts. Originally both charters were going to ride out into the countryside with Rich and Eva, but on reflection Eva requested that it was just a few of them. She knew she’d be clumsy, knew she’d make mistakes and wanted the least amount of people there as possible to witness that. Then there was the problem of Chibs, Rich and Tig knew they were close and as long as they played it cool she figured neither of them would guess anything else was going on.

Juice on the other hand was more likely to wind them up and tease, which would undoubtedly course her to blush and end up blurting something out. 

Instead just she, Rich, Chibs and Tig took to the road. Rich rode his old bike and Eva sat behind him as they rode out into the countryside. She always loved these rides, through the fields, up and down hills, the sun blazing, heat waves rising on the tarmac ahead. Rich had purposefully decided on somewhere far out of town where they were likely not to be disturbed. He knew Eva would have to do her CBT and theory to begin with, then for an engine like this would need to continue to her A1 and A2. But he’d be damned if anyone else was gonna teach his little girl to ride, especially her first lesson. She’d sort of ridden before, smaller bikes round in circles in the car park. She knew how they worked, knew the mechanics and spent a lot of time with the guys in the garage so she knew everything there was to learn. But riding a bike herself, especially the way her father and the others did, that was her dream.

Chibs watched her thoughtfully as she mounted the bike alone for the first time. His heart was racing, he stuffed his hands in his pockets to hide the fact that his palms were getting sweaty.

“Reckon she’ll pick it up fast?” Tig asked 

“Aye, bound to, look at her father,” Chibs replied lighting a cigarette and offering one to Tig.

They heard the sound of the engine turning on, then revving, Rich stood close by his daughter. They were in a beautiful location and hadn’t seen another sole for half hour by the time they reached a large flat, dirt car park. It was dry and led onto a flat grassy plain; there was also a long quiet road that only wound a little. Rich knew it was the perfect location to teach her to ride; it’s where his father and uncle had taught him and where he’d attempted to teach Rose. 

She was a little wobbly at first with such a large engine beneath her, she knew it would be a while before she could legally ride the bike but it felt fantastic, having the engine vibrate beneath her and not having to hold on to the back of her father or Banks or one of the other guys. She turned the bike round and was now facing Chibs and Tig, Chibs fired her a wicked grin the moment Rich wasn’t watching. Feeling the vibrations beneath her she tried not to blush and wished that Tig and her father could just disappear and he could take her on the bike. 

Just then her stomach ached tremendously as the cramps took a hold, she was determined not to double over in pain or to let it ruin her day but Chibs, despite the distance could sense something was wrong. 

He turned to Tig, “you know what she asked when you went to take a piss?”

The other looked at him and waited for a response, “she asked Rich if he’d mind if she took a momen’ to take photos of t’ landscape before we head back, wanted to frame this place, remember it so she could draw from it.” 

“Strange kid,” Tig laughed.

“Comin’ from you that’s a bit rich brother.”

“Oh I ain’t gonna argue with that, think she’ll do me another drawing of Bruno?”

Chibs nodded, “aye I think she’d do anythin’ for the Sons.”

They spent several hours out there in the woods and finished with a beer each and some sausage rolls. Eva joked that they were encouraging her to drink before riding, embarrassed the others turned red, realising it was something that wrongly they did do quite frequently so were quick to point out they’d only had one drink.

Before leaving she took the photos, but not just of the woods. She made sure she had a photo of her on the bike and then her and her father, one of her, Tig and Chibs and lastly just one of her and Chibs. A moment before the shutter clicked they’d been staring at each other, ignoring the camera, they were meant to look away and to Tig who was taking the photo but they didn’t do it in time. Instead they were left with a moment where Chibs had just let go of her arm, they’d just started to turn, she’d just let her eyes close and a smile played on her face. To anyone else it would seem like two friends messing around, two friends who weren’t quick enough, but Tig had a tiny suspicion he thought best to keep to himself.

Later that night back at the club house they’d put on a BBQ to make sure Samcro head off on a high and with fond memories of Samport. All final business had been attended to when Chibs, Tig, Rich and Eva had returned. After Chapel they’d head out for a few hours, Eva had no idea who they were meeting but it was no doubt a business deal of sorts. During that time she helped Lianne and one of the other old ladies Margot, Bilbo and the crow eaters prepare the food.

Whilst preparing the food Lianne took a moment to speak to Eva again about Chibs. She made sure the two of them were away from the rest whilst they prepared the chicken.  
“So you and Chibs,” Lianne finally ventured to say.

“What about it?” Eva asked trying to play it cool.

“Well after the other night, how’re things?” She asked looking up from the seasoning she was coating the chicken in. Eva looked down and shrugged, “the same, nothing’s changed we’re still friends. He spoke to me earlier on today after I’d been riding the bike, he said it was cool, he was young once, everyone gets drunk you know,” she lied.  
“Right and he didn’t say anything else?” Lianne thought this sounded too casual for Chibs.

“Well yeah he wanted to make sure I was okay, he was sweet and everything and made sure we still had that bond but you know it’s like you said, nothing was going to happen, it’s just a silly teenage crush,” Eva’s stomach ached and she hunched over a little.

“You okay?”

She nodded, “yeah just time a’the month and all that jazz.”

“Perfect,” Lianne rolled her eyes. “You got anything for it?”

“If it gets worse I’ll take pain killers but I’m okay for now.”

After Lianne finished placing all the chicken in the baking trays she went to wash her hands. “I want to apologise again Eva, I think the way you were talking about Chibs and choosing outfits, I was just so excited for you and it was reminding me of what it was like to be under 20 again,” she laughed. “But I got carried away, I should have made myself clearer, shouldn’t have made you set high expectations, it was childish and irresponsible of me. I’m sorry.” Lianne dried her hands and went to hug Eva.

Eva returned the embrace, “nothing to be sorry for right? It’s an important life lesson, or several lessons I’ve learnt.”

“You’ll know when the time is right, you’ll find a perfect guy and it’ll just click. There’s no rush okay?”

Eva nodded, “I know.”

“I hear Gunner’s gonna be here tonight,” Lianne said her eyes lighting up again.

Eva rolled her eyes, “oh god, see that’s what I behaved like when I was drunk!”

The two of them stood there laughing for a minute. Lianne did believe everything Eva had said but still she wanted to speak to Chibs before the night was through and knew she should have done it sooner. 

A few hours later and the BBQ was in full swing, music was playing loudly, there was enough food going round to feed hundreds and everywhere you looked people were laughing and smiling.

Eva however was sat more calmly on one of the sofas notepad and pencil in hand, across the room she watched Tig play with Bruno, chasing the dog around and kissing it’s slobbering lips.

“That’s beautiful lass,” Chibs said appearing behind her, he watched her sketch a picture of Tig and Bruno rolling around on the grass.

Not looking up she replied, “thank you,” but had a smile on her face.

“Mind if I sit?” 

“Not at all, be my guest,” she shuffled up the sofa a little. When he sat down next to her she felt a little happier and safer. 

“Been drawing a lot?” He asked.

“Yeah, I mostly do it away from others so I don’t get interrupted.” 

Chibs looked awkwardly away and as soon as she said it Eva realised how bad it sounded, “no that’s not what I meant,” she turned to him and placed a hand on his knee before retracting it quickly.

Juice suddenly appeared jumping over the sofa followed by Happy who was chewing as always. Juice appeared shit faced already, or so Eva thought. Happy just nodded at her and on noticing the drawing muttered, “nice,” with a sincere smile.

“Thank you,” she blushed.

“So what are you two talking about sat all close there, her hand on your knee!” Juice was laughing.

Fuck Eva thought. She scanned the room for someone who could help but found no one. Gemma was stood by Tig and also playing with Bruno, Jax and Tara were making out against the pool table. She could find no one to help in the situation.

“Jesus Christ Juicey, you’re drunk already!” Chibs swore and patted Juice rather hard on the back.

Juice wasn't listening his eyes and that of Happy’s were already following a girl who had just entered the club house, “be right back brother,” Juice said, mouth open and nearly drooling.

“Me too,” Happy followed Juice.

“So,” Chibs begun, “how do you get on with the other guys in the charter.”

“Well, that Rich is a tosser,” she joked.

“Aye I can see that.”

She laughed, “but good yeah, Banks is like a father to me too, I mean he raised me for a few years pretty much when my dad was inside.”

“It’s a good thing Rich made Banks your godfather and not me, or else….” Chibs laughed.

“Jesus don’t I know…” She stopped drawing for a moment and held it out to admire her work. “Rollie’s cool, he makes me laugh, he gets a little too close sometimes but I love him. Maxi’s cool too, he’s pretty new at being VP, but I know my dad trusts him. Mikey is old and harmless with a tonne of great stories. Charlie makes me feel safe, he’s pretty quiet but knows his stuff and is good to have round in a bad situation. And Kit is, well he’s Kit, a little crazy, I feel he’s the Tig of our group,” she laughed.

“So there’s no one you don’t get on with?” He asked almost sounding concerned.

“No, why?”

“Just wanna make sure you’re okay before I leave,” he said being completely honest.

“I’ll be fine.” She continued to make the finishing touches to the drawing whilst Chibs left to get them both a drink. 

As Lianne predicted, her face lit up when Gunner arrived. He was a hang around, she’d known him since Junior school and knew he had a passion for bikes. In year 7 when he learned who her father was they’d struck up a friendship instantly. As time had passed friends had come and gone, their friendship had waned but they still saw each other around. Eva had a soft spot for him and had already spoken to her father about offering him a prospect patch, the charter was in need of more members so Rich had agreed to consider it over the months. 

“What yer lookin’ so interested in girl?” Chibs appeared beside her with two bottles of San Miguel.

“Nothin,” she replied nonchalantly, averting her eyes.

“Oh aye, I saw tha’ lad around the night of the party and saw how you looked at him then to.”

“Jealous?” She whispered as she turned around.

He laughed and held his hands up, “just askin’ lass.”

“He’s an old friend, of sorts, yeah I guess I like him around. Though the emo hair cut needs to go,” she laughed. 

“He looks kinda nervous,” Chibs commented as he watched the boy approach the bar, hunched shoulders, fringe covering a lot of his face.

Her face darkened a little, “yeah, he doesn’t have the best home life, it’s why he wants to be a part of the club.”

Chibs nodded, “aye lot a’that goin’ around.”

She leant into him and whispered, “don’ want you to go tomorrow.”

“I know baby girl,” he kissed her on the cheek. For anyone looking, they looked like two friends who would miss each other. Their friendship was well known in Samport, again there was nothing strange about two friends being close. But Lianne noticed them, Tig had noticed them, and as Eva looked round the room she had a feeling once Samcro left they’d be a lot of questions.

“My room or yours?” He whispered to her.

“Yours,” she replied, “I’ll put the TV on in my room so it sounds like I’m in there, I often fall asleep with it on. No one will suspect a thing unless I don’t appear by 11.”  
“K,” he winked at her and then walked off.

She loved the cheekiness he exalted; this was why she felt he’d be the death of her. 

She walked over to Gunner who slipped his arm around her the moment she was stood by his side, “hey Eva, god I’m glad to see you,” he said as he rested his head on her shoulder.

She could smell alcohol on his breath, “you already drunk?” 

He nodded, “a little, my step dad was, you know…” he trailed off and then ordered two lagers.

“You know the always being drunk when you come round here is not gonna help you get prospect you know that.”

Sighing he removed his arm, “they all drink.”

“Gunner I’m serious okay? What use are you to them drunk? No fuckin’ use at all okay? Prospects actually have to do shit, you’ll actually have responsibilities. This is a business, not a game and then there’s the garage itself.”

She looked disappointed at him, she knew he was going through shit but she’d done everything she could to help him.  
Some people just can’t help themselves she thought sadly as she walked away.

After much drinking (though for Eva nowhere near as much as at the party), food, music and partying, the night begun to wind down. 

Eva was sat outside round a campfire with all the guys from Samcro, Lianne, Margot, Banks, Kit, Maxi and Rollie. Rich had disappeared to his room with a crow eater, Eva had tried to block it out and decided the best way to look forward to a night with Chibs wasn’t to listen to her father fucking. They were passing several joints around and telling stories, all Eva guessed, highly exaggerated. She’d never smoked weed before and so she shared with Chibs and Tig, they were careful not to let her smoke too much. At first she felt nothing and couldn’t understand what the fuss was about, 20 minutes later when Juice was rambling on about the time Half Sack stole an ambulance it suddenly hit her like a brick wall.  
She felt dizzy but not in a bad way, all the colours felt highlighted and more beautiful. Everything felt slow and calm, she felt she’d fall off the log she was sat on and so leaned back into Chibs’ chest.

“Yer okay lass?” He asked her laughing.

“Think she’s had enough boys don’t you?” Lianne asked slightly concerned. 

They nodded, “aye, no more.”

“Maybe I should take her to bed,” Lianne said, noticing that Eva’s eyes had closed; she’d been yawning for a while now.

“It’s only eleven thirty,” Tig complained.

“Yes but poor girl’s shattered, we don’t want a repeat of last time do we?” She glared at Chibs who instantly felt guilty.

“No, no you’re right, I’ll help yer lass.”

He placed his arms carefully round her and shook her awake, they stood but she leant on him for support, “come on sleepin beauty.”

Lianne put her arm round Eva too so that the two of them could help her to her room. Once inside Eva was asking for the TV so Lianne switched it on, she helped take off her shoes and undid her hair before placing her in bed and pulling up the sheets around her chest. As Lianne kissed her forehead, Eva’s eyes opened so she caught Chibs’, and then she winked at him. 

“Say bye to Gunner for me,” Eva said sleepily. “He seemed sad, I’m a shit friend, but I can’t do anymore.” She said sadly. Lianne squeezed her hand, “it’ll all seem better in the morning.”

As soon as Lianne and Chibs left the room and closed the door she enjoyed a moment of rolling around in her empty bed, pretty high and still a little bit drunk she enjoyed the feeling of floating. Yet she turned up the TV a little louder to prevent herself from falling asleep, the last thing she wanted was to sleep and miss visiting Chibs in an hour or so.  
As Lianne and Chibs walked back down the corridor Lianne stopped him, “hey can I have a word, quickly?”

Chibs nodded, his heart rate increased, terrified she knew. “About Eva, you know how fond of you she is. I encouraged her and I shouldn’t have done, it was wrong of me, you’re way too old for her.” Lianne begun as she leaned back against the wall.

Chibs didn’t know whether to feel offended or happy Eva had someone looking out for her, in the end he realised he felt both.  
“She said she spoke to you?”

Chibs nodded, “aye, we talked things though, we’ve been close for years thanks to the letters and everythin’ she went through. But I know, don’t worry I’m not gonna hurt her or let anythin’ happen,” he lied and hated himself for doing so.

“Thank you Chibs.” She smiled, “I’m glad she has you. I just worry that she put too much hope on something happening that was never going to happen and I encouraged it. But she’s so young, she’s mature in many ways, but she’s seventeen, a virgin and a little clueless.” She paused, “shit don’t let her know I told you that.”  
“Don’t worry lass I won' say a thin', and I won’t hurt her. We’ve talked everythin’ through, she understands.” This in itself wasn’t a lie, he hadn’t hurt her, he wasn’t going to hurt her.  
Lianne hugged Chibs and whispered in his ear, “I’m still not sure I fully know what’s going on between you two, just don’t you hurt her okay? Be careful” She repeated.  
This time Chibs wasn’t going to lie, he wasn’t going to tell her anything but he wouldn’t lie, “I promise I haven’t hurt her and I promise I won’t.”  
She squeezed him a little tighter, “I trust you.”  
Back in her room a little while later Eva looked at the time, it was gone midnight and she started to wonder how she’d know if he was up or not. She thought she could get up and knock on his door and if there was no reply come back, if anyone saw her she’d just lie and say she was feeling sick and didn’t want to disturb her father. But then 5 minutes later she heard a knock on her door, and when she said hello no one replied.

She jumped up out of bed, still a little dizzy on her feet but ready to spend the night with him none the less. She went into the bathroom to check her make-up and hair, she also thought it wise to go to the toilet before seeing him, and there was nothing less sexy than turning up for a session and having to piss straight away. 

Shit she thought, all the warning signs had been there but she’d hoped with every breath in her body that it could wait until Chibs had left for Charming. But no, the human body has a particular cunning for fucking up plans. She knew before she even looked but some part of her hoped it wasn’t true, hoped she just felt like that down there due to Chibs turning her on. But no, when she pulled down her underwear as she sat to go to the toilet she looked down to see a patch of red staring back at her. “Fuck sake,” she muttered aloud. She’d purposefully worn a brand new pair of leopard print French knickers with black lace round the edges, matching bra and all. Now there was no doubt they're be ruined, though Maxi had a knack of getting blood stains out, she could hardly pass her underwear to him. 

“Hey,” she said sadly as she walked into Chibs’ room, she didn’t even both to knock.

“Oh hey they sweetheart, you okay now?” He asked looking up from the TV, his arms open wide to take her into them.

She refused his offer and just looked down at her feet. His forehead creased in confusion, “sweetheart?” He asked concerned.

“I’ve been thinking, this is stupid. It’s not going anywhere, it can’t, and we both know that. It’s not what you want; I know that, I’m not stupid. This has been, what do they say? Friends with benefits, I’ve enjoyed my time with you Chibs you know that but I think maybe we should call it tonight instead of tomorrow when you leave.”

Chibs looked hurt, “Eva, I…”he paused not knowing how to continue. He knew of course that she was right, she was too young for him in the long run and he had to return to Charming. Everything Lianne had said to him moments before was racing through his mind and he felt a terrible guilt. He still had a small glimmer of hope when it came to Fi and then there were crow eaters… Whilst Chibs was nowhere near as partial to crow eaters as most of the guys, occasionally when either very drunk or very down, Chibs would indulge. He knew Eva wouldn’t be able to handle that, he knew it’d make him a bastard to hurt her like that. It was never going to happen and they hadn’t fooled themselves into thinking it would. In their conversations they’d mentioned a few times how fun this was and how it was a result of circumstances, once he returned to Charming they’d return to the odd letter or phone call. She would find someone, perhaps a Prospect or that guy Dante she’d been eyeing up if he got a Prospect patch. That was how it should be Chibs thought. But he didn’t want it to end like this; he wanted to be close to her once more even if it was selfish. 

“Eva, you and I…we’re close right?” He asked. He was careful to pick his words so that he didn’t give her hope for a relationship he knew could never be. She nodded, “but maybe this wasn’t right, maybe how we were before the sex, maybe that was better.” She whimpered a little and stared at the floor.

Chibs felt he could kick himself, the anger he felt towards his own being was overwhelming. It came back to first thing that morning, where he was afraid she’d wake up and have regretted it, afraid that he’d used her when she was vulnerable. He felt disgusted in himself, “Eva I’m so sorry, I should never have let this happen.”

She shook her head violently, “no, no,” she said gently and stepped forward, this time allowing him to pull her close. She looked down at him, though so much younger she felt in a position of power, it was a position she didn’t much like. She stroked his scars, “No Filip.” He drew a deep breath on hearing her use his real name, “I don’t hate you, you didn’t do anything wrong, it was all me. I wanted this and I don’t regret it, I’m sorry I didn’t mean what I said before, I’m glad you were my first, I’m just really confused.” 

She felt the tears welling up, her plan wasn’t go to plan at all. The problem was she knew, just like him that there was no future in this, she’d always known that and come to terms with it. She did have a bit of a crush on Gunner as Chibs had hinted at. Being with him had allowed her to stop obsessing, to stop daydreaming and actually live in the present. The problem she now had was she wanted to fuck him, wanted him once more but now she had her period knew there was no hope in it. She figured rather than embarrassing herself and drawing it out, she’d rather get the hard bit out of the way now rather than in the morning. 

“You could stay here tonight, no sex, no kissing, just here.” He looked longingly at her. “We could watch a shit horror film aye?”  
She smiled, “Fiona was a real lucky old lady.” 

“Aye and I’ve been a lucky ol’bastard. I understan’ I don’t wanna make yer feel awkward lass, I don’ wanna make thins’ harder on yer so if yer need to go, it’s okay. But if you want t’ stay there’s no pressure.” He reached up to stroke her hair.

She melted instantly into his arms, she was pretty sure later on in the night when they couldn’t keep their hands off one another that this would cause problems, but for now it felt right.  
Chibs scooted over in the bed so that there was room next to him to jump in. He pulled the sheets up over her and she snuggled down into the warmth where he’d been sat moments before.  
It didn’t take long until they were kissing; it was Eva who instigated it not Chibs. He was careful not to push her into anything she didn’t want to do, he felt just privileged at having her by his side and so when she kissed him he was gentle with her and made sure his actions didn’t lead her to believe he was pushing her for more. They’d been watching Jeepers Creepers but soon the smell of him, the sound of his breathing, his accent every time he made a sarcastic comment, she just couldn’t take it anymore. She’d turned to face him, her head resting on the pillow and begun to stroke his arm. Soon enough he’d slid down the bed to join her and they lay facing each other until slowly she’d moved in to kiss him. 

One of her legs ended up over his and lifted high up to his hip bone, they were tangled together once again, heated kisses and hands groping. Her hands ended up in his hair, pulling gently then trailing down his neck and back where she begun to dig her nails in.

“Gorgeous,” he murmured, “hey gorgeous,” she stopped kissing him. He looked concerned, “I thought you didn’t want this?”

She’d forgotten about her period the whole time they’d been kissing, forgot the whole reason why she didn’t want to sleep with him. 

“Shit,” she muttered looking annoyed at herself.

He pulled away, “Chibs, no it’s not you, it’s not that I don’t want this again it’s just…”

She knew she was gonna have to tell him the truth, “I can’t.”

He looked confused, “what do you mean you can’t?”

“Chibs I’m…” and there it was, she knew she’d have to tell him and once again she’d be telling the man she had the biggest crush on something she thought was hugely embarrassing, “I got my period today.”

“Ohhh,” he replied and then chuckled, “is that it? Is that what all this upset has been about tonigh’?” 

She nodded as she rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling, “I’m sorry, I was hoping it wouldn’t happen until after you’d gone but shit happens.” She let out a massive sigh.

She his hand on her stomach, his palm pressing gently against her abdomen, “shoulda seen it comin’ right with those pains?”

She nodded, “Yup, fuckin typical huh? Got a cig I can have?”

“Sure sweetheart,” he passed her a cigarette and once she’d placed it to her lips he lit it for her.

“Thank you,” she glanced at him when she felt his hand return to her stomach.

They lay in silence for a moment listening to the screaming coming from the TV. There was something Chibs wanted to say to Eva but he wasn’t sure how to ask it and didn’t want to freak her out especially only two nights after taking her virginity. Lianne's words echoed in his mind, there was a small part of him that worried she'd guessed the truth, but then were her words a blessing of sorts as long as he didn't hurt her. Then again it wasn't her choice, Eva was a consenting adult, it was her choice and no one else's business. He knew Lianne was right in a way, but Eva seemed more confident now, they'd talked about the situation like adults, they both knew this was a two night thing, fun between friends. There was no harm in that was there? 

“Eva,” he begun, “you know it doesn’t bother me.”

“Huh?

“The bleedin’”

Eva coughed, and extinguished the cig in the ashtray next to her, she wondered if she'd had too much to smoke. “Excuse me?” She blurted out a little too loud and realised her mistake so she hid herself under the cover.

“You bein’ on your period, it don’ bother me if you still wanna have sex. Wouldn’ be the first time.”

“But it’s gross and messy and…” her cheeks were flushed bright red.

“What? Yer think I never seen blood before lass?”

“That’s not what I meant,” she groaned and bit down on the duvet.

He disappeared and came back with a black towel; he held it up and smirked, “for under if you want to do it.”

She made the decision to let him take her and nodded weakly. He pulled down her jeans and threw them onto the floor then pulled her pants down like a starved animal. He turned up the radio in the room to drown out the sounds they would make, whilst most of them were busy fucking, too drunk or asleep he didn’t want to risk it. 

“Hey wait,” she blushed and turned to get off the bed. She’d have to get rid of the tampon before they had sex and there was no way she was gonna pull it out in front of him.  
“I got it,” he smirked. She nearly stopped him but something in her trusted him more than anyone, all the embarrassment and shame just seemed to melt when she was in his arms. She opened her legs slightly as he reached down and a moment later pulled it out of her gently and threw it across the room into the bin. 

“Jesus,” she muttered her cheeks burning beetroot red. This was certainly an experience she was never expecting, but somehow it felt natural and not nearly as awkward as she thought it would. He stroked her legs and placed his hands under her bum, she lifted her hips so he could place the towel beneath her. 

Moments later he was on top of her, kissing her neck and thrusting in and out. At first she found it hard to enjoy, all she could think about was the mess that was being created, all the blood that would be on his dick, her legs, his legs…

“Oh God,” she moaned into his neck.

“Seems no believes in God until they’re about to cum,” he smirked. 

“I’m not gonna,” she moaned, he hadn’t made her cum from sex. She knew from doing research that many women couldn’t, but the angle he was fucking her at, the way his balls smacked her, the friction against her clit. It was just right, just perfect enough that if she held her breath and thought about how he still wanted to fuck her despite the bleeding she thought maybe it could push her over the edge. 

“Ahhh fuck baby girl,” he moaned and grunted as he continued to buck wildly. “I got yer lass,” he smiled at her just before he lost all control. As his body let out a spasm she thought she might explode from holding her breath and the mounting pleasure and as he let out his frustration she too joined him as she climaxed.

They lay for a moment and then Chibs pulled out of her, “I don’t wanna get stuck to yer,” he winked.

“Ewww,” she cringed and as he moved off her she looked down, “It looks like fuckin’ battle royale down there.”

“Come on then,” he reached out for her hand and pulled her to her feet. She looked quizzically at him, “gotta clean up, shower’s through there.” He winked at her and she took his hand feeling like the luckiest girl in the world.


	8. The worst kind of nightmare, the best kind of dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eva wakes from a horrific nightmare, Chibs tried to comfort and reassure her as the two spend their last private moments together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - chapter contains graphic nightmare imagery, again more sex/menstrual sex, reference to cunnilingus whilst menstruating. The next chapter and several after will have less sex and be exploring the aftermath of the events in previous chapters. Please let me know what you think!

Afterwards Eva lay wide awake in bed listening to the sound of Chibs breathing. She watched his chest rise and fall, comforting by the sounds he was making, even if he was snoring heavily. She was trying not to focus on the time, trying hard not to count down the hours till she would have to leave his bed. 

Her mind raced back to the shower, she couldn’t even begin to comprehend all the things he’d done to her in the last 48 hours, let alone in the shower. Of course it didn’t been like the movies, it wasn’t simple, rather there was a lot more slipping around and laughing from both of them. But the way he touched her, the gentleness that flowed through every part of him when he was with her was making her wet just thinking about it. 

She curled into his side, felt his biceps against her skin. She placed her hand on his muscles and squeezed them gently and then kissed his arms. His skin tasted a little of sweat despite the shower, however she liked it. 

Finally she drifted into a deep sleep and it didn’t take long before her mind to conjure up all sorts of imagery as she dreamed.

He was naked underneath her, his muscles were tensed, his hair was matted, beads of sweat formed on his forehead and his chest. She was stood at the side of the bed and he was begging her, trying to get her to sit on him, only it wasn’t his hips he wanted her to be riding. As she sat on him he placed his hands on her side and pulled her closer to him, slowly up his body until she was hovering above his chest.

“I’m hungry,” he grunted. “I’m starving,” he said through gritted teeth. 

“Fuck,” she heard herself say out loud, embarrassed by what he was requested but unable to refuse him. She shifted further up his body until she was above his face. He looked up, eyes full of hunger at her pussy and then his hands begun to force her down until his lips made contact with hers and she was sitting on his face.  
She moaned loudly as his tongue explored every part of her, eventually fucking her, digging deeper and deeper. She begun to move her hips so she was fucking his face but then lifted herself allowing him to breath.

“No, stay there unless I squeeze your sides lass,” he commanded. So she sat again and this time she stayed until she could feel Chibs tensing beneath her where he had little breath left.

Suddenly he stopped moving, she heard her father shouting at her, “fucking whore! Look at you, just like your mother, you stupid whore! You’re gonna get youself knocked up now, dirty bitch. He could be your father. Would you like that Eva, you dumb cunt!” The pleasure had turned to pain, she started to scream out loud, begging Rich to forgive her, saying it wasn’t her fault, knowing that it was. But Rich wouldn’t back down, she’d never seen him that angry or that violent and all the time she was still sat on Chibs’s face. She’d forgotten all about him, in horror she jumped up. 

When she got off him and looked down, he was blue in the face and covered in her blood and still Rich stood there shouting and screaming at her. She noticed there were scratch marks and blood on her sides where Chibs had dug his finger nails into her sides, screaming for her to get off him, his nails were caked in her blood by the time he’d stopped moving.

“Wake up,” she cried ignoring her father’s screams. “Please wake up baby,” she was waking him, trying to resuscitate him. She couldn’t see through her tears.  
“Please wake up baby,” she said again crying. She heard her own voice again and again repeating these words until the voice changed, it was a man’s voice, a thick Scottish accent. Hands either side of her, shaking her body. 

She woke drenched in sweat, Chibs had been shaking her gently, trying to get her to wake up where she’d been moaning in her sleep, there were tears in her eyes.  
When she opened her eyes she saw him staring down at her, mopping her soaked brow, “hey darlin’ you’re okay.” He bent down to kiss her on her cheek, his face was contorted in pain and confusion, he didn’t know how to help her, he could only imagine the horrors she’d been dreaming of to cause that amount of movement in her sleep.  
She started to cry, “Chibs,” she sobbed and turned to bury her head in him, “it was horrible, he was there and he was shouting and I killed you and I,” she was choking on her tears.

“It’s okay,” he reassured her and stroked her hair, “s’just a dream s’all baby girl, we’re okay, everyone is okay.”  
It was only then that she realised her fingers felt wet and sticky, when she raised them from under the covers they were covered in blood. “Shit,” she said embarrassed and turned her head to the side in shame. 

Chibs realised what she was looking at, she’d been touching herself in her sleep. He got up from the bed, for a moment Eva worried that that was the final straw he was gonna kick her out. Instead he walked round to her side of the bed, pulled the sheets from her and then wrapping his arms under her lifted her up and carried her to the bathroom.  
“Let’s get you cleaned up sweetheart,” he said as he placed her down on the floor and kissed her cheek. He stood behind her, holding her steady so she didn’t fall and could lean against him. He begun to run the hot water whilst she stared at herself in the mirror through the steam, she still felt half asleep and afraid this was a part of the dream.  
“Hey,” he whispered gently to her, “it’s okay.” He moved her hands into the sink, when the tips of her fingers touched the warm water she felt a tingle go up her spine. She was so relaxed that she allowed her eyes to close, trusting that he wouldn’t let her fall. He rubbed her fingers and hand gently, taking the bar of lemon soap he slipped it across her skin and massaged her hands till they were clean of all blood. He took the nailbrush and scrubbed at her nails gently, “there you go darling’.” She didn’t want him to leave but knew she needed privacy to go to the toilet and clean her thighs. 

“Thank you, do you mind if I have a minute?”

“Not at all,” he smiled and left her in the bathroom, pulling the door to but not closing it completely. She didn’t bother to close it behind him. When she sat on the toilet she grabbed some tissue to dry her eyes, “silly girl,” she muttered. There was no way Rich would find out about them, and even if he did, whilst he might be a little angry at first, he’d never say those words to her. He was never violent to her or her mother, but the part about calling her mother a whore, she knew it was a dream but it bothered her more than she could say. 

When she entered the bedroom again Chibs had turned on the TV and was watching some black and white documentary on the Second World War. He had his glasses on, that made her smile; she was going to miss him so damn much. “Hmm what I’d do for a bath,” she murmured as she slid back into bed next to him.  
“Have to wait till you’re home?”

She shook her head, “nah there’s one in my room here,” she looked across to him. “Still love those glasses,” she said lying back into the pillows.

He smiled and looked over the glasses frame at her, “bad dream sweetheart?” He stroked her leg under the cover. 

She nodded but remained silent, “pretty frequent thing.”

“What can I do?” He asked as he got out of bed and walked over to his bag, he started sifting through it like he was trying to find something.

Stay, she wanted to say. Take me back to Charming, she wanted to say.

“Don’t make it hard tomorrow, let me go,” she didn’t blink.

He looked up from his bag, purple hoodie in his hands, “here,” he passed it to her, “Put this on to keep you warm.” He helped her lift it over her head, once on she snuggled into it, it smelt perfectly of him and the material was so soft and warm against her skin.

“We’ll still write though?” He asked sounding worried.

“Of course, it’ll go back to how it was 3 days ago, really good friends, a special connection no one else could understand. I need to know I’ll be able to move on in time. I know that’s the right thing for both of us.”

He nodded, “aye, maybe one day they’ll be another time,” he sounded hopeful.

She didn’t want to dash those hopes but she didn’t want to be disappointed or to stop herself from growing up and meeting someone else either. 

“This must be nothing to you really? You must have had so many women,” she said suddenly as she put the hood up.

He was hurt by her comment and didn’t try to cover it up, “hey, I’ve slept with women yes but not all of them have come with friendship or any meaning. There’s only a few of yer.”  
“Now I feel special,” she joked.

He rolled his eyes, “you know what I mean, one day when you’re my age you’ll understand.”  
“Hmmm maybe.”

They both went silent for a minute and turned their attention to the television; it was 3:10am.  
“So you want a bath then?” Chibs asked suddenly.

She didn’t have a chance to reply, Chibs was up out of bed again, he’d turned the TV off and was poking his head out of the door to see if the coast was clear. When he saw that there was no one around he went back over to Eva reached out for her hand, “come on.”

She followed him to her room and gently opened the door, inside the TV was playing cartoons quietly. It was the first time he’d been in her room. He looked round at the walls, it was funny it reminded him of his room back TM, she had a tartan throw over the bed, a leather sofa and leather headboard. Lots of photos, ornaments, antiques. There were wind chimes hanging from the ceiling and on the walls posters of bands, art portraits and a few of half-naked men cleaning bikes. Chibs had to laugh, he nearly commented on these posters but realised all the guys had pictures of half-naked girls, including himself. 

She shut the door quietly behind her and then turned off the main light after locking it. They fumbled around in the dark briefly till she turned on the bedside light, some fairy lights round a long mirror and blue and silver lava lamp. 

“I prefer less light,” she admitted. 

“S’okay lass, whatever you’re comfortable with.”

She pulled back the blankets and quilt on her bed, “might be a bit cold.”

“Thought you wanted a bath?” He asked as he moved in close to her and nuzzled against her cheek. 

She had found herself in an impossible situation, she wanted this love and affection from him but she hated it in equal measures. Every bit of tenderness he was showing her now she would regret tomorrow because it would make their goodbye all the more painful. As Chibs moved himself against her neck, he hated himself, knowing this wasn’t what she asked for, she wanted to be let go. He hadn’t thought it would go this way, when she’d admitted her feelings for him, even when they’d ended up in bed together. He thought it would be easy to get over it, to say goodbye the following afternoon and just have enjoyed the sex, remain friends and not to dwell on it. He got the feeling that wasn’t going to happen.

She nodded, loving the feeling of his beard scratching against her skin, “yeah I kinda do,” she said sleepily. 

“Okay darlin’ let’s get you a bath running.” When he pulled away from her side she felt a momentary emptiness but convinced herself he was showing her how things should be, so she would know when she found the one. 

He switched on the bathroom light and she sat down on the edge of her bed as he started to run the bath. He lit the candles that were in the bathroom and poured a generous amount of bubble bath into the running water.

“Be a minute,” he said as he sat down next to her, he glanced at the TV, “cartoons huh?”

“Never much on late at night,” she smiled and pulled a packet of cigarettes out from the draw next to the bed.  
They smoked in silence listening to the running water, the TV and it’s gentle hum. Eva tried to decide whether or not she wanted to bathe alone or whether she wanted him to sit with her and keep her company. She imagined his hands over her body once she was submerged in the water. She imagined him rubbing her thighs with shower gel, slipping up and down her body and running his fingers through her hair. She could already feel herself getting wet just at the thought of him touching her again, at the thought of any contact he made with her. 

A few minutes had passed when Chibs got up to turn off the taps, “all yours sweetheart,” he looked over his shoulder to smile at her.  
She got up and walked into the bathroom and stood beside him, awkwardly he stood for a minute, both of them staring at the bath, “right then I’ll leave you in peace lass,” he turned to walk away.

“Wait,” she grabbed his arm, “stay and keep me company, I don’t wanna fall asleep and drown after all,” she joked.

“K,” he responded and proceeded to help her take his hoodie off, “I’ll keep this warm for yer.”

He watched her undress until she stood there naked and tied her hair up in a knot on the top of her head. There was just one other thing she had to do before she got in the bath, “err Chibs can you look away for a minute.”

It took him a moment to twig what she meant, “oh sorry yeah,” he shut his eyes and bowed his head.  
He heard the metal bin open and close, “hang on one sec.” He kept his eyes closed, Eva wanted to clean herself before getting in the bath, a moment later he felt her hands on his back. 

He watched her climb into the bath gracefully and slipped down into the water, the bubbles covering her frame. She let out a low moan of pleasure which made him smirk and he moved to the side of the bath and knelt on the floor, “tha’ better?”

She nodded, “Hmm-mmm loads.”

He did everything she’d wanted him to do, massaged her neck, her shoulders and back when she sat up. He rubbed her legs and arms and massaged her thighs; he purposefully touched every part of her body apart from her nipples and between her legs which drove her crazy. He too was finding it difficult to contain his erection, he had a hundred fantasies running through his mind as his hands glided over her soft skin.

“I wish the bath was bigger,” she sighed, her eyes still shut. 

“Me too darlin’.” He’d contemplated stripping off and jumping in with her but there was no way the small bath would take them both, he imagined they’d get stuck or in some embarrassing situation that wasn’t worth it. 

When she’d finished he lifted her out of the bath with such care like she were a China doll. When her bare feet hit the floor she braced herself for the cold but it never came, he’d laid down a spare towel for her to land on. He wrapped a large Ox blood towel round her body and rubbed her, drinking the moisture from her skin.

Once dry he lifted her again, she didn’t protest. He laid her on the bed making sure the towel was beneath her so her blood didn’t stain the bed. It didn’t matter that they’d already slept together once that night, it didn’t matter that she was bleeding. She was pure to him and this time was all they had left. He climbed on top and started to kiss her, as they kissed he pressed his weight further onto her and she could feel he was hard against her already. Before he was able to slip inside her she put her hand out to stop him, “wait, I want to..,”

He tilted his head to the side, “what lass?” 

“To try another position,” she blushed.

He spread his mouth into a wide grin, “aye lass that I can do, turn over.”

She trusted him and so obeyed without question. He had her on all fours in cat position had she been doing yoga, stretched out in front and arse in the air.

“If you’re not comfortable with any of this just ask me to stop and I promise I will, anythin’ you don’t like just say the word.” He rubbed her back soothingly He ran his hand over her smooth behind and gave a light slap to test the water. She moaned when his hand made contact.

He jumped down from the bed to admire her behind; her pussy looked like a plump, pink peach. He couldn’t resist, where she’d just bathed no blood had seeped through the folds just yet, not that it bothered him. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d tasted blood, but he knew it might make her uncomfortable so didn’t want to push for it. He bent down towards her and kissed her, taking the flesh between his legs gently into his mouth and sucking for a minute. 

She gasped, unable to control the noises she made and the shock at him tasting that part of her even though she was bleeding. He stopped a moment later and she let out a slight sigh where she’d been holding her breath. She hadn’t felt his tongue between her lips and was glad, she didn’t want him to taste her there not like this. A moment passed and then she felt the weight on the bed as he climbed on behind her. His large, rough hands gripped her sides as he positioned himself at her entrance which was now wet and inviting, the blood had just started to appear, he figured this would make it easier for her to bear.

“You ready sweetheart?” He asked as he brushed her hair back with one hand.

She nodded, “Please Chibs, take me.”

He smiled and succumbed to her pleas, taking her from behind satisfied every breath in his body. He guessed it did the same to Eva as her moans were different from this angle, different from behind, they were deeper, more desperate and he knew he was deep into her. 

She relished in how good this felt, in how deep he was thrusting into her, the way it made her tingle all over and buck her hips back to meet his. The way he gripped her ass and occasionally spanked her lightly, careful not to make too much sound. Most of all it was the way he moaned her name every time he thrust especially hard and his balls slapped her clit. 

Chibs smirked, he knew there was a reason he’d left the water in the bath. Afterwards they cleaned each other off; he gave her some privacy to finally insert a tampon before she walked sleepily out to meet him, cheeks still flushed with colour.

“I’m never gonna get it that good again am I?” She sighed wearily. 

“Yah never know,” he pulled her to him, “so where we sleepin’ here or mine?”

She spoke sadly, “here, I want the bed to smell of you when you’re gone.”


	9. Hiding in Showers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eva wakes up on the morning of Samcro's final day and has a worrying realisation. Chibs offers her words of comfort and reassurance, the two have a final intimate moment in the shower and another member of the club has their suspicions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while, I've been ill recently, work's been horrendous and I've been working on other SoA fics so I do apologise for how long it's taken me to get to this point! I'll try and get chapter 10 up in the next week.

When Eva woke her stomach sunk, there was just a brief moment, a few seconds where everything was perfect. Chibs was still curled up asleep next to her; she could smell him on her pillows. She was warm with his hoodie draped over her nearly naked body under the covers. But this wasn’t a life, this wasn’t a reality. This was a wonderful dream that had lasted a little too long. She’d loved playing games as a kid, but this wasn’t a game she should have played.

She sighed a little too loudly; she was restless and fidgety as often she was when she had her period. She turned up the TV a little and switched over to the news, nothing happy was happening in the world today. 

She turned to Chibs, and ran her fingers through his messy hair. She stroked the sides of his face, his cheeks and his beard. She traced his lips with her fingers, “I’m gonna miss you Filip,” she sighed, tears filling her eyes. 

She let him go and sat up in bed and begun to contemplate what to wear today. She flicked through her phone mindlessly, she smoked a cigarette and still Chibs slept. She wanted to wake Chibs so they could spend a little bit of time together, so that maybe just maybe they could sleep together one more time but then she didn’t want to push her luck with him.

Suddenly something crossed her mind, she shot out of bed and panicked. Last night, they hadn’t used a condom, she hadn’t been on her pill for a while where she wasn’t sexually active and it had been giving her headaches. “Shit,” she cursed aloud. This was exactly what she didn’t want, so far they’d been careful, there was no way anyone would find out what was going on between them but if she got pregnant. She felt sick, her hands went to her stomach and she sprung up from the bed so she could run to the bathroom. She threw up instantly, it was ridiculous but she was prone to being sick when really anxious. She threw up several times, each time thinking it was the end but then her body would convulse and her head would be back in the toilet. Finally, forehead covered in sweat she rested her head on the seat and took a moment to breathe.  
Chibs appeared, his hand rested on the small of her back, “hey sweetie it’s okay,” he rubbed her gently. 

She couldn’t have felt less sexy if she tried, “Chibs this isn’t,” she was trying to get him to move away, she didn’t want his last impression of her to be this but she couldn’t finish as she’d thrown up again. 

Finally when she finished she flushed the toilet and splashed her face with cold water and then swirled some round her mouth and spat. Chibs was still stood behind her, topless and with concern written over his face. “Wha was that about sweetheart?” He asked as she turned around.

She shook her head, “nothing.”

“Didn’t seem like nothin’” he went for the sink and ran a face cloth under the cool water. He followed her back to the bedroom and when she collapsed on the bed he sat next to her and placed the cloth to her forehead. She smiled, “thank you Chibby.”

“You gonna tell me what’s going on?”

“Chibby last night…we didn’t use protection,” she glanced across the room trying to avoid eye contact.

Chibs gave a relived sigh, “I got checked before I came out here, don’t worry I haven’t got anything.” He tried to reassure her. 

She gave him an awkward glance, “Chibby, that’s not what I mean…”

Realisation dawned on Chibs, “oh you mean?”

“What I mean is,” she said sounding frustrated, “what if I get pregnant?”

Realisation dawned on Chibs’ face and it dropped a little, he reached out for her and she flinched momentarily but then allowed him to touch her. She didn’t want to argue, didn’t want to push him away just before he left for Charming. She wrapped her arms round herself and begun to sob, “Jesus Chibby. I don’t know what to do,” she couldn’t look at him that would just make it worse.

She felt his hands strong on her shoulders, “hey, hey sweetheart it’s okay, it’s all gonna be okay,” he tried to reassure her and pulled her into an embrace, kissing her forehead.  
“Is it? What if everyone finds out cause of this, I’m too young, I’m…”

“Eva listen, it’s likely yer won’t be, but just in case, if it’s what yer want I’ll run yer to the doctors or pharmacy for the mornin’ after pill if yer want it?”

She looked up at him, “you’d do that?”

“Of course, whatever ya need before I go.”

She nodded and whispered a thank you before wiping her tears, “I wanna kiss you,” she murmured, “but think I’d best brush my teeth first.” He chuckled, “K sweetheart I’m gonna get in the shower, join me when ya done?”

She looked up, a wide grin on her face, “you can count on it.”

She turned back to the sink to brush her teeth; now that Chibs had reassured her she didn’t feel quite so sick anymore. Chibs was right, it would probably be fine and to make sure she could get the morning after pill, no harm done but still she knew she had to be more careful in the future. 

She heard the shower switch on and the sound of running water soothed her, when she turned she saw Chibs had striped and was in the shower cubicle which was already steaming up nicely. She removed her tampon before getting in the shower, still pissed that this had come at such a shit time but at least in the shower they could get clean quickly. She opened the door and stepped into Chibs’ open arms.

Within moments they were kissing, Chibs had her pushed against the shower wall and was pressing his tongue into her mouth, hot and needing.  
“Jesus Chibs,” she moaned feeling him pushed hard against her thigh already, “you’re horny this morning.”

He grinned through the kisses, “do you want an apology?” He raised his eyebrows.

She laughed, “no, I want you to show me how you feel,” she moaned.

His reached for the shower gel and lathered his hands up so he could rub it all over her arms and legs, he was massaging her breasts then, gentle at first and getting more aggressive, pinching and pulling at her pert nipples. When all the soap had gone down the sink he bit down on her nipple as one of his hands went to reach between her legs, she was already wet when he got there.

Her own hand travelled to his cock and started to stroke gently, it didn’t take long for him to have her bent over, hands on the wall and feet pushing against the other side creating purchase in an otherwise slippery cubicle. Chibs entered her in one swift stroke, she cried out, swearing this was the deepest she’d felt him, her walls her pulsing around him as she clenched even tighter. He reached round with his hand so he could stroke her clit as he pounded into her making sure that she would reach orgasm at the same time as him. They needn’t worry about the noise, the shower was doing a pretty good job of drowning out all the moans and cries they were letting out. Yes, Eva thought, the shower was the perfect place to hide. 

Afterwards Eva lay in bed smoking; she was sat between Chibs’ legs, her head resting softly on his chest, listening to his heart beat steadily. She couldn’t stop looking at the time and knew that any minute now she’d have to kick Chibs out, they'd both head downstairs separately or bump into each other on the stairs ‘by accident’ and this was the last time they'd spend alone together. Her lips curled into a smile when she realised that wasn’t strictly true, he’d promised to take her into town later on his bike to get the pill.  
“Come on then grumpy,” Eva said trying to lighten the mood, “you’d best leave.”

Chibs groaned, “I wanna stay here,” he mumbled into her hair.

“I know,” Eva sighed, “me too but you gotta go.”

Eva rolled off Chibs and stood up, held her hand out for him and he reluctantly took it. When he stood up he took a moment to admire her, to tilt her chin gently and drink in her scent. 

“You’d best come visit me in Charming,” he smirked.

“You just try n keep me away,” she replied as she kissed him playfully.

Yeah this wasn’t meant to happen, it was meant to be harmless fun but it appeared both of them had developed some sort of feelings and deeper attraction for one another.  
They continued to kiss all the way to the door, Chibs pushed Eva up against the wall, “one more thing,” he breathed in between kisses. 

He dropped to his knees and left a trail of kisses along her stomach, her hip and down her thighs. He started to suck her inner thigh before nibbling and biting, she flinched a little with the pain but it felt good all the same, “God Chibs really,” she moaned.

He pulled away, admiring his handiwork, “yeah that outta do it,” he smirked as he stood back up and kissed her once more. Chibs didn’t know why, much like Eva he had been certain this wouldn’t play out this way, that it would be casual fun and nothing more. But Chibs had found himself wanting to mark her, to leave some trace of him on her once he’d gone. 

“See you soon baby,” she said sadly. She didn’t know she’d called him baby right then, part of it hurt, part of it made her feel better.  
He smiled back at her and then opened the door with caution; he looked round, couldn’t see anyone and so darted out of her room and across the hall to his own. She closed the door and leaned back against it, wrapped her arms round herself she fought back the tears.

Chibs hadn’t seen the other man in the hall, the one who’d been watching them closely for several days now, the one who didn’t miss a thing. He’d watched Chibs leave Eva’s room, knew it wasn’t like he’d just popped in for a chat, an angry and twisted smile played on his face. This wasn’t supposed to happen, Eva was going to be his, and shit was Rich gonna be pissed when he found out, that gave him something to look forward to at least.


	10. Saying goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chibs takes Eva to the pharmacy to put a stop to any potential unwanted results of their time together. The two of them go on a final ride, talk over coffee and say goodbye away from prying eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I feel this chapter is kinda sucky, I've been working on it for ages and I still don't really like it so may go back and edit it a bit more in the coming weeks. It's only short but I wanted them to have time alone before saying goodbye to other characters and closure in the following chapter.  
> Thanks as usual for kudos and comments!  
> Also not sure where to go from here, there's more (some already written that I LOVE and if you love the smutty stuff I hope you will too) but I don't know whether to continue this fic here or to start a separate fic as a sequel or something as it takes place about 5 years later. Any comments or suggestions would be great!

Eva fiddled nervously with the necklace she was wearing. She didn’t want to be in the room she was in, but knew it was the best place for her to be. She felt both embarrassed and ashamed, knew the pharmacist would have some awkward questions, but then she had several friends who’d had to do this already, that made her feel a little better.

Despite her nerves she was grateful to Chibs, grateful that he’d taken her concerns seriously and bought her here without question. He was back out in the shop; browsing god only knows what, luxury bubble bath? That made her giggle a little, yes she could well imagine Chibs actually loving relaxing stuff like that.

The door opened and she shuffled with anticipation, “Eva?” He asked. She thought that was a stupid question, who else was she gonna be? 

She nodded but remained silent watching the pharmacist sit down, “so you need the morning after pill correct?”

She nodded again, “yeah, we had a,” she paused, “bit of an accident.”

“Last night?” He said.

Jesus, she thought, when the fuck else would I mean? Again she nodded, “yeah, I forgot to take my pill.”

“How long have you been on that pill?”

“Erm,” she pretended she didn’t know but of course she did, she went on it after Chibs took her to the doctor when she was 14, “about 2 years.”

“And was that for contraception reasons?”

She shook her head, “not at first.”

“And how long have you been with your current partner?”

She met his eyes for the first time, his questions were starting to piss her off, what did any of this matter? It’s not like she was on record for frequently coming in and asking for this. Sex was her business and hers alone, unless at a doctors and volunteering information. 

“A while,” she lied.

“Okay well I need you to read through this, here’s some information on side effects and how effective it is, once you've read it sign at the bottom.”

She took the forms, glanced over them, she didn’t care about the side effects, anything was better than being pregnant and having to admit that to her father and the rest of the club. It was better than her father and Chibs fighting and falling out. She signed without a second thought.

Within moments he’d passed her a small plastic cup with water in and one pill still in its foil packet.

“Take it now before you leave,” he instructed and then continued to watch her, making sure she’d swallowed it.

She noticed her hands were shaking as she ripped open the packet. She blinked slowly at the small white circle, amazed that something so tiny could end… She shook her head, it was nothing, just a feeling, a brief moment of recalling the discussion she’d had with Chibs 3 years earlier about being scared she couldn’t have children. In a moment she’d swallowed it, thanked the pharmacist for his help and left the room. 

She couldn’t help but feel his eyes watching her as she left, watching the much older man who was waiting for her, what he must think of them. Chibs opened up his arms to her as she reached him and she let the embrace engulf her.

“We’d best head back, they’ll wonder where we are,” Eva sighed.

“Nah it’s okay I told Rich I was takin’ yer for a ride.” Chibs said as he kissed her head.

“He was okay with that?” She queried looking up.

Chibs shrugged, “Sure why wouldn’t he be?”

“I dunno, maybe we should at least leave here, someone might see us.”

He nodded and they left the drug store quickly, when Eva mounted Chibs’ bike she guessed this would be the last time, at least for a long while. But she didn’t want to forget what it was like, her arms wrapped around his body, scooting closer to him to seal the gap. The smell of him, the way he arched his back into her before leaning back forward and riding. 

“We got a lil’ time t’kill if yer fancy brunch?” He said turning back to her.

Eva was just putting on her helmet and glasses but nodded enthusiastically, “would love to.”

“Though we may have to be hungry again in a few hours,” he chuckled.

As he started the engine Eva too found herself laughing a little, she knew Lianne and the others were preparing a big buffet lunch for Samcro to wish them well. 

They pulled up outside of one of Eva’s favourite cafes that had a beautiful view of the South Downs, it was far enough away from the club house that hopefully they wouldn’t get caught, if they ended up kissing that was.

Once sat they remained in silence for a moment just taking in the surroundings, Eva felt awkward, unsure of what to say, she didn’t want the difficult conversations that were bound to come but knew the silence had to be filled. 

“So, wha’ yer up to when we leave?” Chibs finally broke the silence after sipping his coffee.

“Oh you know, pining, crying, eating lots of ice cream,” she gave an almost forced, awkward laugh. 

Chibs wasn’t laughing, he did smile though and reached across the table to take her hands in his, “Yer gonna be okay lass?” 

She gulped and nodded, “Yeah, yeah I’ll be fine.” She watched a crow fly past and land a few tables away; scavenging bread that was left behind and flew off with its prize. 

“We knew what this was when we started it,” she said defiantly, though she found she was unable to meet his glance.

He squeezed her hands, “Yer know I’m always there for yer righ’?”

She nodded and stroked his thumb, “I know.”

“Please keep writing to me Eva,” he pleaded. Annoyed at himself for letting things get this far and allowing her into his head this much.

She continued to stare at the sky, finding it helped relax her; it was easier that way to dream and switch off. “Always,” she said finally able to meet his gaze.

As they stared at one another across the table, through the steam from their drinks, tears begun to well up in Eva’s eyes.

“I’m sorry,” she apologised as she blinked, using her finger trying to brush away the tears. 

“Yer got nothin’ to be sorry for love,” he soothed as he rubbed her arm, “I’m not goin’ anywhere not really.”

She gave a sorry, lop-sided smile, “at least you’ll always be my first and no one can take that from me.”

“I dinnae want to cause yer pain, if I’d of known it would be like this then…” he trailed off staring at the rolling hills.

“You wouldn’t have slept with me?” She asked sadly.

“Maybe,” he shrugged, “I wanted to, god forgive me I wanted to. But it wasnae my intention to hurt yer.”

She pulled back from him and swung her legs over the bench so she could walk round and slide in next to him. She rested her head on his shoulder and took hold of his hands, “Thank you Filip, for teaching me everything, for making me feel safe and for being my friend. Even if there’s no one else as good as you and they’re all frightful shits, at least we had this.”

He turned and kissed her forehead, “aye.” There was a small part of him that wanted to tell her this wasn’t it, they could make it work somehow. Fiona and him were long over, he knew there was no building those bridges and he wasn’t committed to anyone else. But there was the age, the distance and the fact that she deserved better. At least someone closer to her age who she could start a family with, someone safer to be with. And then there was the issue of Rich, he knew it was better for Eva that they remained friends and said no more about it, no matter how much it pained him.

“Yer gonna find someone amazing one day Eva, when yer older, I promise there’s someone out there just for yer,” he promised as he squeezed her hands.  
“What about you?” She asked kindly looking up at him, lost in his brown eyes that now seemed so sad.

“I’ve been married, I have a daughter, I’ve had my turn, but you…” he paused as he reached forward and pressed his index finger to her nose making her giggle, “have a life time ahead of yer.”

As much as it pained her, she had to agree. No matter the pain it caused now, in the long run this was best for both of him, “We’ll always have Portsmouth,” she joked putting on a mock accent.

“Aye love, tha’ we will,” he sipped the last of his coffee and staring at her empty cup stood up from the bench. He reached out a hand to take hers, “shall we have a quick stroll?”  
“Sounds perfect,” she’d dried the tears away and now beamed up at him, determined to enjoy their final moments together. She took his hand and the two walks into the woods together, he let go of her hand then so he could wrap his arm round her waist and pull her close. 

Once under cover of the trees and foliage, Chibs pushed Eva gently up against a tree much to her delight and started to kiss her, slowly at first, savouring every bit of contact. They remained in the woods kissing just like that until Chibs’ phone rang.

“Hey man where are you?” It was Tig.

“Just out,” Chibs replied.

“No shit, where?” Tig replied sarcastically.

“With Eva, she needed some bits in town, I offered to take her and then we just grabbed a coffee, tha’ okay?” He asked rolling his eyes.

He could hear Tig laughing the other end of the phone, “Just make sure you’re not too much longer.”

“On my way,” Chibs sighed.

Eva had been watching Chibs the whole time, studying his facial expressions. She had noticed the close bond between him and Tig almost immediately, the way they quipped at one another, she’d always found it adorable. The last few days had felt like a dream but now it was time she woke up, she knew the moment he caught her staring at him so intently that it was over.

“Come on, let’s get yer back,” he said sadly.

They walked back to his Dyna separately, their skin no longer touching, his fingers no longer lacing hers. She stared at the bluebells that covered the forest floor as they walked, the whole forest was full of colour and life, she’d never felt more drained. But they were beautiful, reminding her of her childhood and walks with both her parents, where she’d chase butterflies and eat French fancies during a picnic.

They remained in silence all the way back from the club house apart from one moment, 5 minutes to home Chibs pulled up at the side of the road. He got off his bike, took off his helmet and glasses, Eva did the same, he leant down as she was still sat on the bike and kissed her just once, long and slow.  
“What are you doing?” She spoke softly, confused. 

“Sayin’ goodbye darlin’.”

And with that he mounted his bike again, her arms were wrapped tightly round him, clasping at flesh she knew would never be hers, “Goodbye Chibby,” she murmured into his back as the engine started.


	11. Dreaming of the Horizon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Samport prepare to leave Charming, Chibs can't leave Eva without saying a final goodbye. Gemma has her suspicions and Eva finds herself in a tricky and painful situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while everyone! As I explained in the update (which I've now deleted) I've not been well after being diagnosed with ME and it's been so busy with Christmas, comedy and work. However here's chapter 11, I think they'll only be another 2 to complete the fic. (It was going to be longer but I think chapter 12 will be a summary of the following years and 13 a reunion and wrapping it up) Trigger Warning - this chapter contains some violence/abuse from a trusted friend and a prelude to sexual abuse.

Back at the club house they had a few hours as planned to eat and drink with the others and say their goodbyes. Chibs was summoned to Chapel one final time along with Jax and the others, Rich said it was important they recapped everything that had been discussed. Pulling the others away from their beers and the girls was tricky as expected, but eventually they piled through the door, Eva sadly watching Chibs go.

“You okay sweetheart?” Gemma appeared from the kitchen and wrapped her arm round Eva.

Eva jolted a little, so caught up in her own word she hadn’t noticed Gemma’s approach. She let out a sigh, “Yeah just gonna miss you all,” she said sadly.

Gemma stroked her hair, “I know you will, but you know you can always come visit us.” Gemma turned Eva so she was facing her and cupped her cheeks. “You’re a brave, strong woman with so much ahead of you, don’t you forget that. You’ve been through so much but things, they’ll get better, just you listen to this old girl.”

Eva couldn’t help but smile, she’d loved having Gemma and Tara around, it was nice to have other women who didn’t know her so well. Sometimes that was all she wanted, to talk to people outside of the situation. She adored Lianne, she was the closest thing she had to a mother now but the problem was she knew her too well.

“I’d love to visit one day, maybe I can as part of my study,” Eva said hopefully. 

Gemma nodded, “There’s always a bed for you with me, and a job if you want it,” Gemma was always grateful for an extra pair of hands at the garage.

Eva hummed, not really listening as the door to chapel swung shut.

“But I think they’d be a bigger reason you were visiting than to just see me,” Gemma grinned as she gently nudged her elbow into Eva’s side.

Eva still wasn’t listening, Chibs’ frame still burned in her mind. His rough hands on her smooth skin, his build, how easily he lifted her up.  
“Sorry what?” Eva said turning to Gemma and shaking her head.

“Hmm exactly what I thought,” Gemma laughed.

“What?” Eva repeated, confused, though part of her guessed others knew, especially after her outburst at the party.

“Chibs,” Gemma said raising her eyebrows, “Though he’s a little old for you don’t you think?”

Eva sighed, “Gemma, there’s nothing there, just a crush. Come on I need a drink.” Eva wanted nothing more than to change the subject, it didn’t matter what it was that she wanted, or Chibs wanted. They were leaving that day and that was that. 

“I hope you mean a coffee,” Gemma teased.

“Tea actually,” Eva corrected, giving a little laugh.

“Of course,” Gemma clapped her hand on Eva’s back.

When the guys returned from Chapel they gathered round for a toast, Eva making sure that she was stood near Chibs but not too near. 

“To our brothers we wish you a fond farewell and safe travels home. Hopefully we can visit you soon,” Rich announced as he lifted up his tumbler of whiskey.

Cheers of agreement rang out amongst the Sons, Tara, Lianne, Gemma, Eva, Bilbo and the other old ladies and friends present. 

“Drink up lads, your escort will be ready in 10 minutes.” Rich said with a smile, he turned to Eva as he spoke, knowing his daughter would miss the companionship of the others. His smile remained warm for her, she knew it meant everything, that he’d protect her, be there for her. But still she couldn’t shake how sick she felt and how much she just wanted to cry into her pillows. All she wanted was to return to college, see her friends and focus on her studies and that part of her social life that would distract her. 

Banks, Jonny, Rollie, Maxi, Charlie and Kit all huddled round the members of Samcro to hug them and say their goodbyes. Eva guessed this would happen several times over as they then turned to say goodbye to Lianne, Jonny’s old lady – Margot, Bilbo and the others, before returning to their brothers. As tough as they liked to appear, Eva knew it was moments like this that always got them. The club were family, it was as simple as that. Tara and Gemma hugged the members of the Portsmouth charter and thanked them for their kindness.

“Hey where’s Bruno?” Tig suddenly asked, looking panicked as his head whipped from side to side trying to find him. 

Margot and Lianne laughed, followed by the others, “Eva will get him,” Lianne reassured him.

Eva nodded, “Be right back.”

She walked out into the yard; Bruno was sat with the horses curled up warm in the stable. “Come here boy.” She hadn’t noticed Chibs slip out and follow her so when he spoke she jumped.

“Hey,” Chibs whispered behind her.

She spun round, surprised to see him there, Eva turned her head away from him, “Chibby we’ve done this, we’ve said goodbye.” She stroked Bruno and started to walk back to the others. 

“I couldn’t go without another kiss.”

“Chibs, please don’t,” She refused to look at him, but stopped in her tracks. Chibs reached out for her cheek. 

“Eva,” he whispered as he dropped his hand from her skin. He’d tried to turn her so he was facing her, but gave up.

She gave a shrug, “You’ll be fine Filip, you’ve got all those crow eaters back home. Maybe you and Fiona will reconcile…” she sighed, “It’s okay.”

Tears threatened his eyes, he didn’t know why she was being so cold, “I’m sorry,” was all he could think of to say. 

She shook her head, “Nothing to be sorry for, we discussed this, you go home and I…maybe I make things with work.”

Eva looked up for the first time and gave a sad smile when her eyes met his, “In another world,” was all she could say.

She went to walk away but Chibs gently grabbed her wrist, “Please write to me still,” it pained him to ask. He felt guilty as sin asking her for that, she deserved more; he didn’t wish to prolong pain or hope. But he knew he would miss their friendship if it ended here.

“I’d be lost without you,” she whispered as she looked back over her shoulder, “Of course I will write.”

“Yer wouldnae be lost,” Chibs disagreed, “but I’d appreciate it.”

She nodded, “Always,” she smiled, “Huh we never even got a chance to take the horses out.”

“Aye and I ne’er got a chance to know the members of this Charter better ‘cause I were too busy with yer,” he looked around the stable, “We coulda had a lotta fun in ‘ere,” he grinned.

She tried to hide the amusement on her face, but it was impossible, she laughed out loud, “For god’s sake Chibby, come on.” She pushed him away playfully, Bruno whining for attention next to them, “All right soppy let’s go see Tiggy.” Bruno jumped up at the mention of his name. 

Just then Gemma walked into the stable, “Hey sweetheart it’s time to go,” she glanced at Chibs and across to Eva, curiosity fuelled her expression.

“Just coming,” Chibs replied, smiling softly at Eva, trying not to portray his emotions as he followed Gemma. Eva and Bruno followed him at a quick pace and back into the club house. 

“There he is!” Tig shouted as he pushed past Jonny and Banks and ran towards Bruno.

Bruno started to lick his face immediately, causing Tig to laugh with glee.

“Jesus,” Chibs muttered on seeing the two of them rolling around together.

“Has he always been like that?” Banks asked.

Jax nodded, “Yeah that’s Tig for you,” the members of Samcro laughed. Eva tried to laugh but found it false, on sensing her anticipation Lianne pulled her close in between her and Margot. She kissed her cheek, “it’s gonna be okay,” she whispered in her ear. 

Eva nodded, “I know.”

“Come on group photo outside!” Jonny commanded.

Eva was half in a day dream, cuddled into Lianne’s side when she was shaken back into the moment by Juice loudly shouting at her, “Hey Eva, when you write to Chibs, reckon you can send me some of this?” He was eating one of the protein bars they had stocked up behind the bar.

She nodded, “Sure, go on you’re gonna miss roll call!”

Juice grinned at her and followed the others outside, Eva couldn’t help but laugh, his smile was infectious, “Damn where the hell does he get that energy from?” Margot asked.  
Tara overheard her and shrugged her shoulders, “He’s always been like that, right?” She turned to Gemma.

“Yes, he has,” Gemma replied with a grin, “Come on I wanna get a photo of our boys.”

The old ladies and Eva walked out into the car park where Samport and Sambel were all stood together, the sign for the club above their heads, a few bikes either side of them.   
“Anyone would think they’d planned this,” Lianne laughed.

Tara nodded, “Sounds like something Jax would do.”

Eva pulled her camera out from her back, “I gotta take photos, for the club,” she paused, “And for me.”

Lianne winked at Gemma, Eva noticed but pretended not to, there was no use fighting it any more or trying to excuse herself. Everyone knew she had a crush on Chibs, but they didn’t know the rest thankfully and the more she downplayed it, the better.

They had several photos, some serious and some ridiculous, Tig laid down with Bruno, Chibs and Tig hugging, the guys pulling silly faces behind one another. Then they asked one of the crow eaters to take another photo with Gemma, Tara, Eva, Lianne, Margot, Bilbo and the other old ladies. 

“Wait girls,” Eva called before Gemma and Tara got into the car. “We need a photo,” she winked.

The three of them took several photos and then got Jax to take one of them and the other old ladies. “These are all going up on my wall!” Eva said excitedly. 

“I don’t doubt it.” Rich smiled as he put an arm round his daughter and pulled her close before kissing her forehead. 

Just as the guys mounted their bikes Eva ran up to hug them all once more, leaving Tig and Chibs till last.

“Now you look after him,” Tig said looking at Bruno.

Eva nodded, “Of course.”

“Gonna miss him,” Tig confessed as he sighed, “And you of course,” he added with a cheeky grin.

“Yeah it’s certainly been,” she paused remembering her drunken confession and fight with Daisy the other night, “interesting.”

The guys laughed, “Come here,” Chibs said opening his arms to her, his tone was different this time, only slightly but enough to not portray his true emotions.

Eva walked slowly up to him and hugged him tightly, rubbing his back as she did so. “I promise I’ll write,” she whispered.

“Me too,” he replied as he kissed her forehead, “Take care, stay strong, stay brave and follow your dreams lass.”

She nodded, his words meant the world to her, “I promise.”

A minute later she was stood sandwiched between Margot and Lianne who were both resting their heads on her, their arms holding her, knowing how much she’d miss the Samcro guys. It was the happiest and most active they’d seen her in a long time, even despite the drunken night.

As Eva watched the bikes and cars disappear into the distance, the rumble of engines made her body shake, her heart fluttering. As she looked on, the horizon felt a dream she could never reach. 

“I need a minute,” Eva said as the tears started to fall. Lianne squeezed her shoulder and Margot kissed her cheek, “It’s okay darling, go on take your time, we’re here if you need us.”

Eva nodded, “Thank you, I’ll be fine,” Eva walked off quickly, trying to hide her tears. 

All she wanted was to get back to the safety of her room and write everything in her diary, she was sure that would make her feel better, along with writing her first letter to Chibs.   
As she opened her bedroom door she felt there was something different, her room didn’t feel the same at all. There was a smell, almost like apple and spice, but not warming like Chibs or her father. It was someone else and as she took a few steps forward she was sure she was being watched. 

“Hello?” She asked quietly, as she turned to close the door she saw him. 

“I know about you two,” the man snarled as he grabbed her jaw roughly and squeezed.

“You’re hurting me.” She moaned as he tightened his grip. Rollie slammed her bedroom door shut and then slid his hand down to her throat, spun her round and slammed her into the wall.

“Rollie, what the hell?” She struggled to say, her breath constricted. “Let go,” she pleaded.

“Is that how you sounded in bed with him? Is that how you begged and moaned for him?”

Eva didn’t respond, the whites of her eyes turning a little red, her face matching, tears trickling down her face. She tried to fight back and went to kick out but his other arm blocked her. 

“The question is, what are we gonna do about this?”

“Anything,” she said, her voice scratchy and rough. 

“Show me how you begged for him,” he said as he tightened his grip and then let go.

She reached for his neck, panic filling her eyes, “What are you doing? You’re supposed to me my friend!” She backed away from him towards her bed, hoping she could shout for help out of the window. He realised what she was doing, “Eva don’t be stupid, I’ll tell your father, I’ll tell everyone. How do you think that will go down, between Samcro and Samport? Between your father and Chibs? The fighting, the killing? Your father in prison again?”

Eva shook her head, “No, please don’t.”

“Then you know what to do,” he said sternly, a wicked and cruel smile on his face. He walked forward and placed his hands on Eva’s hips. 

She gulped, feeling trapped his words terrified her, after the loss of her mother Rich nearly broke down. He recovered but only just and now if he found out about this it would destroy him and Chibs and tear the Charters apart. She knew there had to be another way and she’d figure it out but right now she felt she had no choice and so she nodded, her heart aching, sickness creeping over her as his hands travelled under her shirt. She closed her eyes and thought of Chibs.


	12. In between the Years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life after Samcro continues for Eva and she finds love with an old friend. This chapter is a summary of 5/6 years that pass after Samcro leave Samport

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to apologise as this chapter is super short. As I previously stated, I haven't been well and have so much in my wip writing wise that I don't feel I can do this story justice. BUT I have the ending written which took hours and which I love and would hate to leave this story in the middle without any ending or conclusion. In order to post the end there needs to be some filler which is what this chapter is. It's very short and is just a series of paragraphs that span 5-6 years in between Chibs and Eva's last moments and their next. I hope one day next year when I'm in the mood I can come back and re-visit this chapter and re-write it as 2-3 chapters/expand on a lot of the ideas. But for now I wanted to get this story complete before the New Year! Happy New Year to all my readers and again I am sorry for how abrupt this chapter is and rushed.

Time healed, so they said and at first Eva scoffed whenever Lianne reminded her of this. Of course Eva had to tell Lianne the truth about Chibs and Lianne in turn confessed she knew. Of course she knew, Eva had thought, she’d hardly been subtle. And yet no one else knew, no one else had twigged and genuinely believed them just to be friends. 

The thing that Eva regretted more than anything was not telling anyone about Rollie. Looking back she wished she’d told Chibs in her letters, wish she’d confided in Lianne who could have spoken to her father, reasoned with him. Ever the diplomat she was sure that Lianne, especially with the help of Banks, could soften any fall out between Rich and Chibs. But she kept it to herself until it begun to eat her up on the inside, he continued to blackmail her, continued to abuse and use her. Months after it begun, it came to a head in a horrific fashion. Eva spent her days drunk, fell behind in college and drugs were easy to come by.

When the truth came out Rollie had his patch ripped from him, his tattoos blackened. Rich had wanted to kill him but Eva was sick of the bloodshed, she pleaded for him to be banished from the town and for the club to allow her to go to the police. Rich thought it was one of the bravest things he’d seen and there wasn’t a day that went past when he wasn’t proud of her. 

Eva continued to write to Chibs and him to her, at first he was devastated when she told him about Rollie and as predicted he and Rich fell out. But they continued to write frequently, at least at first. But time went on, they both grew, Chibs grew more mature and had greater responsibility in Samcro. Eva finished college and went to University. 

The weeks passed, the months and years passed even quicker and in time Eva moved on, something she thought she’d never do, from Chibs or from what Rollie did to her. She wanted to visit Charming but her studies got in the way, then she met a boy and then another, more serious. She thought of Chibs often, still wrote to him occasionally with her news. There would only ever be one first crush, first love, first time and so he would not be easily forgotten. His advice and friendship had served her well and she was no fool, knew that good friends were hard to come by, especially those as loyal at Chibs. 

Gunner finally got patched as a prospect and when he received the full patch a year later Eva became his old lady. More months passed by, then a year and another and another. Finally when Eva was 22 she married Gunner and fell pregnant. By this time her and Chibs only wrote once or twice a year. It was better that way; she remained committed to Gunner and didn’t wish to dwell on the past. Rollie appeared in her nightmares occasionally, but Gunner was a kind and understanding husband who had a role to play in Samport. 

In time Rich forgave Chibs, he came to understand how hard it had been for his daughter growing up and that without Chibs she may never have found love in Gunner’s arms. Though a part of him would always blame Chibs for the pain she suffered at the hands of Rollie.

Then one day Gunner was gone and her child never born. That was the danger of being involved in an MC like the Sons. They had been married for under a year, she was 6 months pregnant and then it was gone, like dust in the wind.

After that Eva threw herself into her studies, her horses and work and vowed never to be an old lady again. She placed some distance between herself and the club by buying a flat of her own and trying to only visit the club house once or twice a week rather than daily. 

She’d never forget reading the words that Tara was dead, then Bobby, Gemma and Jax Teller, all dead. She’d thrown up again and again, the reality of this life too much to bear, terrified for her father she couldn’t sleep. However there was a promise that Samcro were on their way and would come to visit once more… Her beloved Tiggy and Chibby now VP and President of Samcro.


	13. In the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Samcro pay a visit to Samport once again, now that Jax is dead and Chibs is President. Eva finds herself keeping her distance at first but knows that her and Chibs must talk and act on how they feel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is, the final chapter! I hope you all enjoy it and like the way I decided to end it. I felt it couldn't go any other way and I needed to have a little smut to finish it off. Thanks again for the commends and kudos.

Chibs, Tig and the rest of Samcro had been in England for several days, and as was tradition there had been great celebration, drinking and many words spoken behind the closed chapel doors. Eva and the rest of Samport had been introduced to the newer members of Samcro. There was mourning over Jax and welcoming to Chibs as President.   
During those days Eva was present, but spent her time lurking in the back with the crow eaters, Lianne and Margot. Watching from afar she noticed how Chibs flirted a little with crow eaters, but made no advances and took none to bed. Of course their reunion had been sweet, as had hers with Tig, not to mention Tig and Bruno who was considerably slower, but seemed liked a pup again round Tig. With Chibs and Eva they’d hugged for a long time, Eva had cried and they’d kissed each other’s cheeks, aware of the Rich constantly presiding over them. 

They’d promised they’d talk in private, but not now, not yet. They had to get used to being round one another again and there was club business to attend to. Eva respected that and so stayed out of the way.

On the fourth day she appeared at the Club House in the late afternoon, she needed to be around people. The night before had been another dream of Rollie, Gunner and now her mother. Her three most awful moments relived, this had been topped by a man in a local shop cat calling and slapping her arse. Naturally she’d punched him with all the strength she could muster and now all she wanted was a drink and familiarity.

On her way to the club house however she couldn’t stop thinking of Chibs, thinking of how long it had been since she’d had sex. In her mind she conjured a wish list.  
Now sat on the roof of the club house with Tig, Chibs, Rat and Happy she said suddenly, “You guys talk about sex all the time and it strikes me that woman can’t talk in the same way about it.”

Tig shrugged, “Never bothered me.”

The others nodded, though Chibs avoided your gaze.

“Always talking about your fantasies….” You continued.

“So what’s yours?” Happy asked as he took a swig of beer.

“Right now, my wish list? To be eaten by a man who’s like a crazed, starved animal, then to be taken roughly and finally to have a good cry and for a man to make gentle love to me.” Eva looked up to judge the expressions of the others. Tig gulped and she noticed Chibs shuffling uncomfortably. “Anyway I’ll see you guys later.” Eva jumped up taking her bottle of beer with her and stroking Chibs’ shoulder as she left, giving a wink as she did so. 

Later that night there was a knock at the door, loud and commanding. Eva jumped; she’d forgotten about the ‘invitation’ and was too engrossed in watching repeats of Breaking Bad to hear anything going on outside her room.

“Lass?” The moment she heard his voice a tingle went up her spine. Something about that accent would always do that for her. Earlier on, she’d been so bold, boasting and teasing the way she did. She hadn’t cared if it had embarrassed the guys at all; she preferred to be honest even if it did reveal too much information. But now in the quiet of her room, cosy and undercover she felt a little more coy. There was a sense of embarrassment and shame that washed over her and she wished she hadn’t said what she had. Then she remembered the roof top, “shit,” she muttered under her breath.

“Lass are yer ok?” He called again softly.

“Yeah, err come in,” she wasn’t sure whether she wanted him in her room or not. Of course she wanted him, but there was so much to consider, so much could hurt her or complicate things. She figured she thought too much.

The door opened slowly, Chibs poked his head round before shuffling in awkwardly. She’d expected him to be more forthcoming and assertive, yet he seemed a little unsure himself. This relaxed her, she smiled at him, a small, wicked smile, “hey.”

“Hey,” he replied as he scratched at the back of his head. A moment passed between them, there was the sound of a fly buzzing coming from the TV, Eva’s attention was caught by it, she let out a small laugh at the escapades of Walt and Jesse. “Look I can go if yer like, I just…” She interrupted him, “No, sorry I don’t mean to be rude, I…” She grabbed the remote and switched off the TV.

“Shall I?” He motioned to the door and mimed closing it.

She nodded “Good idea don’t yah think?” 

“Aye,” Chibs responded as he closed the door slowly. When he turned back to her he shoved his hands in his pockets, “So…everything yer said earlier, d’yah mean it?”  
She nodded shyly, she felt both terrified and excited in equal measures. “I need…” she let out a long, hearty sigh and her head fell back onto the headrest.

“We need to talk, but for now, yes I need…” She trailed off again and gulped her heart pounding. After all this time, after being able to move on, there were still so many wounds and she couldn’t tell whether Chibs would heal them or tear them. 

“I know what yer need love,” Chibs said softly as he walked towards the bed, “Come here?” He removed his hands from his pockets and reached out to her.

She pushed off the quilt to reveal her body, she was wearing a black top with spaghetti straps and daisy duke shorts, it was too hot for anything else. Her feet dangled over the edge of the bed for a moment before she jumped out. She walked slowly to him until she was a few inches away from her skin touching his. She looked at the ground, to his boots until she felt something on her chin, his hand gently tilting her head upwards to look at him, “Yer bonnie lass,” he said cocking his head to the side.

She blushed, “Thank you Chibbie,” She blinked slowly, her eyes never leaving his. She slowly bit her bottom lip.

“Fuck,” he breathed out, she was too fucking cute doing that, teasing him in that way. Chibs shook his head, there was something else he had to say, he’d said it in their letters but it had to be said in person, “Eva look I’m sorry, I’m sorry about your father finding out, about Rollie and what he…”

Chibs was unable to finish as Eva placed a finger to his lips, it was clear this was hurting him and he was truly sorry but right now it was the thing she needed. 

“Chibbie, please,” she begged suddenly as her lip parted with her teeth, leaving a small in print. Chibs wanted to catch it, wanted to take that lip in his mouth and suckle it, “Yer weren’t so shy on the roof love or when you were younger,” he almost let out a small laugh. 

“Sorry,” she apologised and shook her head, taking a step back Chibs was worried he’d upset her. “No, no lass, I dun mean it like that, I just wanna make sure it’s what yer want.” 

He pulled her close to him, taking her in a warm, tight embrace and kissing her temple. 

“God you make me feel safe,” she whispered into his chest, “even after all this time”. The smell of leather made her feel at home. 

He smirked, “That wish list of yours still the same?”

She nodded gripping his thick arms, “Do it,” she whispered.

And with that he had picked her up and thrown her onto the bed, before she could speak his lips had collided with her legs. He was nipping at every bit of tender flesh he could expose. 

As they lay on the bed she’d closed her eyes the moment she felt his lips on her skin. As he travelled up her legs higher and higher she begun to arch her back and bit down on her lip harder. As he reached her shorts he grinned and kissed the denim between her legs, “Tight,” he muttered through a grin.

She let out a moan, “Chibs seriously, please just…” she didn’t get another word out as he brought one of his hands forward and cupped her crotch aggressively. She wriggled but couldn’t escape from his strength, “like this?” He asked looking down at her. Her eyelids opened, she looked helpless, nodded, “please Chibby.”

He begun to palm her through her shorts, she knew she was already soaking wet and they still both had all their clothes on. Suddenly he let go, she let out an exhausted gasp and collapsed on the bed, “seriously you’re gonna stop now?” She moaned.

“It’s hot in here,” he replied and held out a hand to pull her up. She took his hand and within moments she was pushed, flush up against his chest, “take it off,” she murmured as she begun to undo his cut. She pushed it from his shoulders, then his jacket, his shirt and finally wormed her hands under his vest and pushed it up over his head. It was the first time she’d seen him topless in years; she stood for a moment admiring him, admiring his tattoos, the word Kerriane making her smile sadly. 

“I know, I know,” he said patting his stomach, “I could do with losing some,” he didn’t get to finish as her lips clamped down on his once again, her hands stroking his back. After a moment he pulled away and then roughly ripped open her shirt, buttons flying to the ground, followed shortly by her bra.

“Holy mother,” he breathed deeply taking in her chest. His hands clumsily fondled her, tweaking her nipples and spinning her round so her arse was pushed hard against his cock.

He continued to play with her breasts and begun to lick her neck before sucking so hard it left a big, black bruise. Her knees had already begun to buckle, she wanted his lips elsewhere.

“I guess it’s time for me to help you tick off number 1,” he said before pushing her forward onto the bed, flipping her over and grabbing the buckle of her belt. Within moments he was pulling down her shorts and panties in one, her boots still round her ankles.

She was usually so shy and nervous when men went down on her but with Chibs there was no time, he had spread her legs and went straight in to kiss her, he stopped for a brief second to mutter, “I haven’t eaten in days remember?” 

Holy fuck she thought, her stomach flipping, knowing juice was flowing down her thighs already, the heat was nearly unbearable. And then she felt it, the tiniest little kiss on the hair above her opening, several light, delicate kisses followed, teasing her. Finally a kiss to the tip of her clit and then he took her whole like a rabid animal, starved and crazed.  
“Fuck! Nrgh ahhh!” She screamed aloud as he persisted in eating her pussy. Her hands reached straight down for his head and matted in his grey hair. Her hips begun to buck like she was fucking his face. 

He pulled away from her for a second and she let out a painful moan, “shhhh,” he cooed, “patience.” She shook her head, he was meant to be the starving animal, no pauses and all head.

He waited just long enough to enjoy her suffering before he dove back in between her pink folds, “you taste delicious,” he murmured in between licks. 

That made her stomach flip, hearing him say that aloud. Her hands and legs were trembling uncontrollably, it was almost too good. As he focused on her core she felt as if she’d already cum, it was too much, but the ecstasy was indescribable. “Don’t stop,” she screamed as she pushed his head further into her cunt.

His beard was dripping with her juices and still he gulped and sucked, determined to bring her to the most wonderful climax. A moment later her finger nails dug in harder into his shoulders and he gave her several more licks like a cat to water, with that she screamed out his name and her hips fell suddenly back to the bed.

She raised her arm to her head, resting her forearm on her forehead as she continued to pant, breathing slowing ever so slightly. As Chibs pulled away she slowed her legs, a sudden wash of embarrassment flooded over her and when her eyes opened again to see the Scot grinning at her, her cheeks burned red with shame.

“Hey, hey, no need to be shy,” he said as he moved round the side of the bed, she turned her face away from him and let out a contented sigh. She felt his weight next to her as he sat on the bed and begun to stroke her hair, “I’m all sweaty,” she complained not wanting him to be put off her.

“Aye and about to get a lot worse I should imagine,” he said as he leaned forward to kiss her. He wrapped his arms round her to pull her up close to him.   
She begun to bite his lips in return to his kisses, he forced her mouth open so he could flick his tongue inside. At that she lost control and let out the most gratifying, throaty moan that Chibs thought he’d ever heard. It was all the encouragement he needed to swing his right leg across her hips and sit on her. They broke the kiss for a moment, as he looked down at her he smirked. She raised her hands to his face and stroked his scars gently, then pushed back the hair that had fallen out of place.  
“As nice as this is,” he begun as he reached round her back to undo her bra, “I believe you wanted something a little different for part 2.”

She gulped and then nodded, she needed him inside her now and she didn’t need it calm, gentle or romantic. She just had to feel something again and he was willing to take her.  
“Fuck me,” she ordered, “fuck me hard and fast Filip Telford.” He whipped off her bra and pulled her vest from over her shoulders exposing her breasts. Now fully naked under him, her nipples had gone erect. He took the right one in his mouth and bit down hard making her moan.

Her hands were under his shirt, willing him to strip off too, he undid it and threw it to the ground, his vest following. He jumped off her quickly to pull of his belt and then pull down his jeans. He was a little clumsy as he fiddled with his boots, she could hear him let out little moans of frustration in Gaelic. This only turned her on more, knowing that he wanted her as much as she wanted him. 

Within minutes they were fucking, her face was buried into the pillows, her arse high in the air with Chibs behind slamming his cock into her with tremendous pace and force. His hands were gripping her sides and leaving marks. It felt great but there was something wrong with the picture, he wanted to see her face. Wanted to see the pleasure visibly rippling through her and so, suddenly, without warning he pulled out, grabbed her and flipped her onto her back. He thrust into her again with no hesitation, her legs gravitated towards his neck and wrapped right over his shoulders. He held her legs in the air, firm either side of his face, occasionally turning his head to kiss the skin.  
Again he grew tired of the position and without a word jumped off the bed, grabbed her by the hips and lifted her up, only to slam her back against the wall seconds later. “Wrap your legs around me baby,” he instructed. So she jumped up and did as he asked, he held her then and continued to thrust into her, this was by far her favourite position, to be so close to him, to be kissing him ferociously and biting his neck as he grew closer. She didn’t care about the noise outside the room, whether the other guys or her father heard her moans and his grunts.

Finally when he could hold her no longer he threw her back onto the bed, only this time it was the end of the bed so he could stand on the floor. Her legs either side of him again; he pulled her close and entered into her in one swift thrust. She knew what she wanted him to do but as scared it would put him off her, “Chibs,” she moaned, “hands, round,” she just managed to get out and then moaned the last word, “neck.”

He wasn’t sure he was hearing her correctly, did she really want him to cut off the air just before she came? He knew he didn’t want to hurt her but there was such desperation in her voice that his hands went for her neck. He looked down at her, searching for approval, she gave a small nod and so he wrapped both hands tightly round her neck and squeezed gently. 

All the muscles in her pussy tightened around his cock as he did this, leaving him to breathe out a long line of expletives. Just before they came he had to let go of her neck though, he had no doubt he was leaving bruises and he wanted to kiss her as they came. 

Afterwards she leaned over into the bedside table and pulled up a ripped packed of cigarettes, she held it out to Chibs, he took one silently. She put one in her mouth and threw the empty packet on the floor. She lit his cigarette first and then her own, leaning back into the pillows and Chibs’ chest she let out a content sigh. It took about a minute for it to sink in, for her to come to terms with what she’d done and suddenly just as predicted she begun to well up inside.

It felt her like chest was in knots, there was a sickness rising in her throat and she felt so utterly stupid. It wasn’t regret, far from it; she was grateful for Chibs and had loved the sex. It was more a regret that it had taken her this long to feel able to move on, had taken her this long to mentally get over what was done to her. All the abuse and pain was a world away now, but why did the scars feel so fresh to her? Fucking Chibs had been the best decision she’d made in months, yet it was a strange feeling, she’d washed away all the shite that had polluted her head but it was something pure that she hadn’t felt in so long that now an emptiness remained; an aching. 

“You okay darling?” Chibs said quietly. He sensed her tensing up beneath him, her arms shaking a little. He bent down and kissed the top of her head. Her hair was soft; it still smelt of apricots from her shower that morning.

She nodded slowly, “Yeah, I…” she couldn’t say anything more. She was shaking too much and felt like she was choking on her own words when she tried to speak.

Chibs knew what was going on beneath him, knew that something had triggered this sadness within in, he let out a sigh, worried he’d pushed her into something she didn’t want, “I’m sorry if I over stepped the line, I didn’t mean to hurt you, shit…” He closed his eyes and leaned back.

She felt round behind her till her hand touched his face, stroking his scars she explained, “No, no you didn’t do anything wrong, you did everything I wanted, I love…love spending time with you. Thank you, you made it all better, you always do.” She said and then turned around so she was sat on him, looking down at him. Only tears fell now and splashed onto his chest.

“Come here,” he cooed and pulled her close. 

“I’m such a silly bitch,” she cried, “I can’t believe it’s like you’re this drug I’m addicted to, after all these years and it’s still only you who can make me feel good again. It’s only you who can life the darkness from me.”

“I know love, I know,” he kissed her neck and soon they were kissing once again. But this time the urgency was gone, it was slow and loving, his hips grinding against hers.

And then he was back inside her, only he wasn’t fucking her, he wasn’t claiming her momentarily, he was making love to her. His strong arms wrapped around her, his lips kissing her cheeks, her forehead and hair. He savoured her kisses in response, everything was perfect, everything had fallen into place.

Eva stopped for a moment, “Chibs, let me,” she said softly as she pushed him off her. He fell to the side and onto his back. As she climbed on top of him he held his breath, taking in her beauty. He long hair fell over her shoulders and down her chest covering her breasts.

“Is this okay?” She asked nervously.

He nodded, “yeah love that’ll do it,” she smiled at him, so helpless under her.

He reached out to cup her chin, “I love you,” he confessed.

And that was all it took. And it was never supposed to happen. And it was never supposed to be like this, they were never supposed to fall in love, Chibs was never supposed to ask Eva to be his old lady but somehow, along the line it just happened…


End file.
